CP: Ever use steroids?
BK: No, but you’re not investigating me. I was asking about Iraq.
CP: Do you enjoy gladiator movies?
BK: They’re usually a little short on plot and character for my taste.
CP: My point exactly! Gladiators used to bulk up on steroids. Now if the terrorists use them, they’ll be that much tougher to get rid of! Bovine growth hormone is no different than a weapon of mass destruction.
BK: Is that why Congress is investigating Manuel Tejada and Roger Clemens? Aren’t their personal cases a matter for the courts and major league baseball? I mean, have you noticed that the economy is tanking and that other than selling off American banks to foreign investors, Congress and the President aren’t doing that much about it?
CP: What about mortgage relief?
BK: Too little too late but anything’s appreciated I suppose. What about New Orleans? Has Congress done anything to help people return to their homes? Is it true the powers that be do not want persons of color back in the city? What about schools? Health facilities? Their homes? Does it make sense to destroy city after city in Iraq and then appropriate hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild them – not that they’re really getting rebuilt – while we ignore the destruction of one of America’s own great cities?
CP: Let me say, Bart, I am a strong supporter of the New Orleans Saints. And I almost wish – now don’t quote me on this, this is totally off the record – that Reggie Bush had taken steroids. Might have gotten more yardage out of him this year. I missed the spread three times because of that fella.
BK: Yes, but you see, CongressPerson, I think the public would really rather you looked into something substantive, like the distribution of Pentagon weapons to police forces around the country or the fixing of oil prices. Or the widespread corruption that shrieks from every pore of this odious administration. At least give it as much attention as you gave the stain on Monica’s blue dress.
CP: Great song, that “Devil With a Blue Dress”.
BK: Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels.
CP: I love the Motor City. Notice that Romney won Michigan? Wonder if he takes steroids? I’ll ask Selig when I get him on the stand. Hey Bart, do you know that as a member of Congress I get the best health care available in America free for life – and my little dog too! Haha, not really Toto, but my whole family as well.
BK: Hmm, CP, can I ask you about health care?
CP: No single payer plans. We’re not a bunch of socialists here. Now I’ve got to go bail out a few more banks. Those fellas are just drunk on deregulation. Pumping cash through their systems like they’re steroids. After we give ‘em a few billion, we’ll be ready to go after Knoblauch and Pettite. Then you’ll really see Congress in action.
BK: I’m starting to think I’d rather see Congress inaction than in action.
