People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes.
People in the $50 seats will get back $10, because it is only fair that those that pay in the most should get the most out. (See the above mentioned chestnut)
People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it's the "right thing to do."
People in the $75 luxury box seats will actually receive $250. Luxury boxes are owned by large corporations and so they fall under our special "Tax Shelter" rules - a device that only the wealthy are motivated enough, work hard enough for, and are smart enough to understand - where we actually pay them to come to a game. These are called "incentives", and we pay them to the wealthy and to Corporations because they will invest the money with only the best interests of America in mind.
People walking past the stadium that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn't pay anything for the tickets. They need the most help. Sometimes this is known as Affirmative Action.
People walking past that choose not to attend are probably local citizens, in which case we will be adding the cost and the interest of the bonds to build the stadium in their property taxes - where they won't notice it. This will make living within the city limits cost prohibitive, but we can easily shift the blame for this to the amount of services we have to provide to the poor.
Now do you understand?
If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator John Kerry or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance.
How about we just elect one of the above President so a lot fewer of us will need assistance - of the kind Republicans like to call handouts.
Dana Scully
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