3. Trust Your Heart. The "heart" confuses everyone sometimes and some of us all the time. But it is our leader, our guide, when all the other wires get crossed. The heart, for it to lead successfully, requires care and practice. It produces the kind of intuition that is the "non-sequential" knowing underived from established fact or observable time-space events. It is the kind of knowing that will guide us towards the buying (or not) of a particular home, the right time to call someone, or when to invest and for how long.
4.Know Your Own Defenses. In order to know what we know, to become more wisely intuitive, we need to be aware of our own defense mechanisms and the obstacles we unwittingly set up.
To not know is to fear ourselves. To fear ourselves is to fear everything and everyone else. It is to live without grounding.
We all need-and all have-defense mechanisms in place. Without them, we'd all be crazy. But, they're like coats in the winter. They're wonderful when it's cold outside, but we don't need to leave them on all summer.
The most prominent defense is denial, which essentially denies reality. "No, it's not dangerous." "No, I'm not sick. I'm fine." "No, I'm not addicted to gambling. I can stop any time." Temporary denial can be necessary when we need it to survive, e.g., denying pain to finish a critical mission, denying grief long enough to function at work, denying catastrophic loss until coping mechanisms are back in place. But we don't want to deny the truth to the extent that it makes us physically ill, ruptures my relationships, or prevents honest communication.
Other common defenses are numbness (not feeling), repression (burying it below conscious awareness), amnesia (forgetting), minimizing (making it less than it is), disavowal (obvious meanings are not what they are), and rationalizing or justifying (inventing a reason for a behavior or event so that it becomes palatable).
Everyone uses defenses. The task is to become familiar with your own defenses and the reasons you use them. Many people are afraid of the truth, thinking mistakenly that they will lose love, respect, or position. That is not the case. Having seen the truth, they may indeed decide to let something go or change something about themselves or their behavior, but they will, perhaps for the first time, be able to really choose instead of being a prisoner to unconscious needs and fears.
A COUPLE OF TECHNIQUES
1. The Rose Meditation Imagine something you know without doubt you love. Choose something simple. Feel it. Sense it. Where do you feel the love in your body? Now, tell yourself you love it. What does telling yourself you love it feel like as you hold the image in your mind? Now, imagine something you hate or fear. Sense it. Feel it. Where does it sit in your body? Tell yourself you hate it. What does that feel like? Next, you want to switch the process. Imagine something you love. Feel it. Sense it in your body. Now, tell yourself you hate it. How does the lie feel? Where in your body do you sense the distortion of it being untrue? Imagine something you hate. Feel it. Sense it in your body. Now, tell yourself you love it. How does that feel?
Notice the difference between the truth and the lie.
2. Taking Your Emotional Pulse. Every now and then as you go about your day, take a deep breath and ask yourself what you're feeling. Be specific...go through your body as well as your thoughts and emotions. When you're in conversation with others or at a meeting, stop yourself and try to determine what it is that other people are feeling, thinking, sensing.
NOTES FOR THE REFRIGERATOR 1. Notice! Notice! Notice! Be aware of everything around you. 2. Wonder! Wonder! Wonder! Get curious. Ask questions. You don't have to know everything right away. Not knowing is the beginning of wisdom. 3. Wait for Answers. Don't assume too much. Sometimes, there's nothing you need to do but wait. 4. Listen Well! Both to yourself and to others. 5. Tell the Truth! Be honest with yourself, above all. 6. Slow Down! If we're running too fast, we miss the most important details. 7. Honor your Feelings. Practice the exercises and become acquainted with your own body. 8. Use your heart. Use your senses. And use your head. All together.
J. Acosta is a writer and practicing clinical psychotherapist. She has written two books: THE WORST IS OVER (2002, Jodere) and THE NEXT OSAMA (2006). Her third is due to come out some time next year and she is currently in the middle of her fourth.
She has her practice in New Mexico with her canine therapeutic assistants. She has worked with anxiety and fear in patients for twenty years. She has watched it, felt it, wrote about it, and helped heal people from it. As a result, she has learned a few things about fear, particularly that growing epidemic she calls VIRAL FEAR.
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