But, truthfully, I was merely a fearful, naïve little boy, who wanted to make sure I didn’t go to hell. I naturally wanted to ensure it, because the suspense of not knowing is a killer. I would still be good, however, the assurance of the wish would, at least, quell my anxieties.
That seems rational to me.
As a grown up, my faith has remained strident in my life, however, as I mentioned earlier, I do still question whether I’ll make it to heaven or not. I question everything in life. Not just my afterlife prospects. It’s my nature to question. Dogma. Authority. Power. I question it all. Moreover, I believe it’s necessary to question everything, otherwise, as a society, we will allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by those who have certain agendas. The Big Lie is often an accepted truth. Why? Because we often fail to question whether the obvious is a lie or not. Questioning my faith is a natural process for me. It has made mine stronger, if anything. Moreover, questioning where I’ll end up in the afterlife has created a humorous ritual for me.
About once a year a few citizens from a nearby church will come knocking on my door. For three years or so, the same woman has done the knocking and made the subsequent pitch, which was a message about their church, it’s services and that they were inviting more people to attend their congregation. The pitch also included a quick prayer, and a short reading of a bible passage.
She started this all by asking: “Will you go to heaven?”
Every year I would answer something like: “ I don’t know, I guess I’ll find out when it happens.”
She then would reply that she knew she was going for sure, and that I could know for sure as well.
She’d provide a litany of questions.
“Do you love God?”
“Yup.”
“Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior?”
“Yup.”
“Do you pray?”
“Several times daily.”
“Are you a good person?”
“Yes, I do my best to live by the Beatitudes.”
