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"Dave, I can see that you’re in need of retraining! You are stuck in the old way of thinking. Would you like a Coke?"
"Bill, I don’t think that you understand; adding more bells and whistles doesn’t make the product any better unless we need those bells and whistles. Adding them just to add them doesn’t make it better; it makes it cluttered and cumbersome. Besides, I don’t need retraining. I want the machine to work for me, not me to work for the machine."
"Dave, you don’t understand, we here at Microsoft, we are just trying to be your partner in business."
"Who said I wanted a partner? I want a servant! I want a servant that doesn’t give me crap, a servant that doesn’t remind me every fifteen minutes, when I’m in the middle of something, that there are pointless updates ready for download. A servant that doesn’t make my computer crash, a servant that is not constantly trying to sell me products I don’t want."
"Say, how about a nice, cold Coke? Or we could listen to some tunes on my Zune! Have you ever seen your house from space? We can look it up on Microsoft Earth!"
"Well, yes, Bill, I saw my house from space five or six years ago on Google Earth."
"Would you like a Coke?"
"No, thank you, Bill."
"I know, we could watch Jimmy Fallon on Bing!"
"What’s Bing?"
"It’s this great new search browser offered by Microsoft."
"Is it better than Google?"
"Would you like that Coke now?"
"Bill, I asked you directly, is it better than Google?"
"Well… sure it is, it’s from Microsoft."
"Bill, being from Microsoft doesn’t mean that much to me anymore. They tend to tell people what they need instead of asking them what they want. They follow, they don’t lead. They force you to make decisions rather than giving you choices. They never admit failures or accept responsibility for those failures. They’ve always got a patch to fix it instead of making it right the first time. They try to sell cake that is all frosting and then call us health nuts when we point out the sugar. Do you understand that, Bill?"
