So all in all, we've taken steps over the past two years to break the back of the recession, but now we need to get serious, to buckle down. We need to slice the femoral artery of the recession, then cut off its fingerprints so it can't be identified by forensics, destroy its dental records, and then hide the body from the CSI team.
Because we live in a different world now, one in which steel mills that needed a thousand workers a few years ago can now do the same work with just a hundred folks and a few dozen robots"with just a little help from outsourcing the really dirty work of manufacturing and pollution factories to Malaysia, Singapore, and South America. How's that new iPad workin' for ya, Steve?
What's happened is that China and India are beating us by educating their kids instead of lettin' "em eat Cheetos in front of Nitro Circus and Teen Mom. That Chinese Tiger Mom is onto somethin', I'm tellin' ya, and we need to get our kids educated too, as well as invest in research and new technologies like the Shake Weight or the Snuggie blanket.
Even so, we are still the biggest economy in the world. We just owe a bunch of cash to China, Japan, the U.K., Saudi Arabia, and Brazil, that's all. We don't know where the next new technology or growth industry will come from, but I have to tell ya, the future for cannabis agriculture is smokin'. Smart investors are putting their money where the bongs are, and high-grade kush has become California's number one cash crop. Now that's good ol' American knowhow at work, and you just might wanna get in on the ground floor before the IPO.
This is our generation's Sputnik moment, and clean energy is the Apollo Project of our time. From all the money we invest in researching solar, wind, cold fusion, clean coal, and natural gas, we will see the next innovations like Tang, Velcro, and Hula Hoops as ancillary results. Smart phones may be the next slide rule, and electric cars just might be the next Polaroid camera.
It's not just the winner of the Super Bowl that matters (which will be the Green Bay Packers, sadly, instead of the Chicago Bears) but it's also the winner of the science fair who deserves to get the hot date for Prom Night. Speaking as a fellow nerd, geek is the new Sexy, and being smart should be the standard for hotness. Young women of today--start going out with that Debate Team leader or the cameraman for the A/V club--we need to encourage those dweebs if we're going to win the new Space Race of clean energy. Think Mark Zuckerberg meets the Old Spice Guy.
And you kids need to stop majoring in business and go into Education. In South Korea, teachers are known as nation builders. We need you guys to start taking up a career where you can earn as much as $40-thousand a year with tenure, and make a difference to America, even if you can't afford to buy a Hyundai.
And speaking of education, we're making a big mistake by educating wetbacks and then sending them back across the Rio Grande to compete against us. I'm prepared to work with Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats to find a way to let illegal immigrants stick around "cause we need the cheap labor.
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