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Satire: Top CEO Defends America's Health Insurance Industry (press conference)

By       Message Carmen Yarrusso     Permalink
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Can you cite examples of these "creative ways" you've invented to not pay for our health care?

Sure. You're all familiar with rejecting people with pre-existing conditions, dropping you the millisecond you actually need health care, recruiting the healthiest Americans while rejecting the sickest and charging prohibitively high premiums if you're likely to get sick. But these are just smart business practices, not really creative.

Real creativity is getting to charge an exorbitant price for a product and then finding legal ways to not deliver the product. Imagine if car dealers could sell you a high-priced car and then find legal ways to not deliver the car--or maybe deliver only the bumpers and one wheel?

The bulk of our creativity goes into designing thousands of different health care plans loaded with various deceptive loopholes that give us myriad ways to not pay for your health care. Hidden deep in legal terms, all our plans essentially say, "We'll cover you unless your treatment gets expensive".

We get our most creative actuaries and brightest lawyers together to design thousands of complex "a la carte" plans that ultimately allow us to not pay for your health care. For example, one plan might cover only organs on the left side of your body, while another covers only right-side organs. This gives us a 50/50 chance we'll be able to not pay for your health care (of course neither plan covers your heart since it ambiguously straddles both left and right).

But doesn't having thousands of different complex plans unnecessarily add hundreds of billions yearly to America's health care costs?

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Duh! Yeah, our creativity forces health care providers to endure a paperwork nightmare of delays and denials that costs Americans hundreds of billions each year. But that's not our problem.

Imagine how hard it would be for us to not pay for your health care if we had just one plan for all that said simply, "We'll cover all medical procedures your caregivers deem necessary for your health as long as these procedures are accepted, standard medical practice". Such a plan would leave us no room for creativity or profits thus making our very existence superfluous.

Isn't that how single-payer would work?

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Yes, exactly. Single-payer would instantly end our legal con game. That's why single-payer is "off the table".

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Carmen Yarrusso, a software engineer for 35 years, designed and modified computer operating systems (including Internet software). He has a BS in physics and studied game theory and formal logic during his years with the math department at (more...)
 

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