Remind Me Again - Who Won The Cold War?

In some ways of course, these slogans lauding the virtues of laissez faire capitalism are no more ridiculous now than they ever were. Consider this. You’re sitting in a sixth grade history course sometime in the 26th century (of course the ‘humans’ then will all be machine hybrids with memory modules, and thus no need for education – but let’s leave that aside for now). So, little Jimmy Jetpack raises his hand to ask the teacher a question:

JIMMY: "Um, Ms. Saturnalia, I don’t really understand this whole Cold War period we’ve been discussing. You said that the two superpowers were on a hair-trigger, with giant arsenals of nuclear weapons aimed at each other, and that all life on the entire planet would have been extinguished if those rockets were fired, right?"

MS. SATURNALIA: "That’s right, Jimmy. What is it that you don’t understand?"

JIMMY: "Well, um, just exactly what were they fighting over that was so important that they were willing to put at risk an entire planet?"

MS. SATURNALIA: "Oh well, that’s easy, Jimmy. You see, back then, before humans finally learned that socialism is the best economic system, one side wanted the government to have more intervention in the economy, and the other wanted it to have less. And they got so angry with each other over who was right, they almost had a cataclysmic thermonuclear exchange."

JIMMY: "Oh. I, uh... see. Ms. S, they weren’t very smart in the twentieth century, were they?"

MS. SATURNALIA: "Well, no Jimmy, now that you mention it, they weren’t. Unless, of course, you compare them to the people of the twenty-first century. But that’s next week’s topic."

Some might argue that this is an ungenerous reading of the era just gone by. That what was really at stake in the Cold War was a battle over freedom, not just a clash between the economic ideologies of capitalism and communism. It’s certainly true that the Soviet Union was far more oppressive than the United States was. On the other hand, that didn’t seem to matter so much during World War II, when we were happy to ally with Uncle Joe Stalin himself in order to squash those, er, other totalitarians. And – on the other, other hand – it didn’t seem to matter so much during the Cold War either, when we backed every repressive neocolonialist regime we could find, from Nicaragua to South Africa to Vietnam and back again. Or when we simply installed our own – in Iran, Guatemala or Chile – if the existing government was a little too, um... free and, er... democratic.

Well, whatever. In any case, we won the Cold War (whoopee!), so that’s all for the history books now.

Or did we?

You have to admit, it’s more than a bit odd to see the United States, that bastion of capitalism, led by George W. Bush, that great champion of free market ideology, now massively plunging itself deeply into good old-fashioned socialism in the form of increased welfare state benefits, bailouts, and the nationalization of major industries. Add that to existing programs and those coming around the corner, plus increased regulation, and pretty soon we won’t be far off from being... France! – the nightmare scenario of those sick things on the right. Somehow, in their addled brains, when George W. Bush massively expands government healthcare coverage for seniors that’s a good thing, but, say, providing it to children or to all of us represents evil socialism, the very thing which will destroy the fiber of this mighty country. Nevermind that ‘mighty’ seems to ring more melodious in a sentence with ‘China’ these days than with ‘America’. Only people twisted enough to think that the democratic socialism practiced by contemporary Europeans is some sort of decadent system produced by Satan himself ("My god, they get paid maternity leave!! There’s healthcare for all!! They work far fewer hours per week and have guaranteed seven-week vacations!! This is just wrong!! This humanity is inhuman!!") could also applaud Bush for doing exactly the same thing for which they’d certainly excoriate Obama for doing.

But make no mistake about it, the American system of political economy has already begun a hard and long overdue tilt to port. As Americans become increasingly exposed to the joys of a globalized market economy, their prior resistance to sensible solutions will melt as fast as their paychecks already have. It won’t be long before there is the rough equivalent of national healthcare here, plus a return to more progressive taxation, fair labor laws and necessary levels of regulation. People can pretend all they want if it makes them happy, but this will nevertheless be a mild form of socialism, not hugely unlike the dreaded European model. And if Americans ever knew the truth about how their system stacks up to France’s or Germany’s or Sweden’s – in terms of leisure time, in terms of lack of stress from worrying about healthcare or education or retirement costs, in terms of health, longevity or infant mortality, and on and on and on – you might see a serious swing to the left on economic questions. All this is possible in an America in which the lies and the crimes of the right have been exposed and repudiated, only to be far more thrashed in the coming years if a President Obama is as smart as I think he is.

So who won the Cold War, then? The capitalists? Yeah, maybe. In the same way that Britain won World War II, that is – only simultaneously to lose power, prosperity and a global empire in the bargain. If you call that winning, then okay.

The only greater thing about America finally maturing enough to adopt a quasi-socialist system is knowing the degree to which that will drive the freaks on the right to utter distraction.

Though they will, of course, still be happy to collect their generous government benefits.

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