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Life Arts    H3'ed 8/19/08

Mr. Bill: "OH NO, Fix the coast you broke, Shell Oil!"

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Mr. Bill had certainly established this message and solid environmental credentials over the years. He has always been a darling of progressive media, and all the press wanted was a nice photo op. Viles escorted the press to Mr. Bill’s limo and indicated the best vantage point for some great photos. All seemed to be smoothed over.


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But, then things started to fall apart. Mr. Bill’s message was clearly being compromised by the medium.

Grumbling was heard from the greens that it was totally inappropriate to be protesting BIG OIL and have Mr. Bill arrive in a gas-guzzling stretch limo. Someone named Lee said that one would expect the Mr. Bill of old to come parachuting out of the sky, and not take such a blatant Hollywood approach.

A drenched feminist named Cathy was incensed that Mr. Bill would lower himself and court the bimbo factor in the form of super models. “Where have the protest tactics of the sixties gone,” she wailed.

Mr. Bill sensed the discontent and refocused attention on his wetlands message. Grasping an “overdue” bill for $361,984,000 in his chubby, clubby white fingers, the Gumby-textured man attacked Shell.

“This does not include their abuses from the previous decades, nor the price tag for the damage, which would not have occurred during Katrina, if our natural hurricane defense, the wetlands, had not been decimated by the oil industry,” Mr. Bill said.

“OH NO, Fix the coast you broke, Shell Oil,” Mr. Bill cried, as he sauntered down Poydras, his arms draped low around the waist of a super model.

Whispered rumors followed Bill and his entourage. Perhaps Sluggo had compromised the PR team. It might be a right wing conspiracy after all.


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Georgianne Nienaber is an investigative environmental and political writer. She lives in rural northern Minnesota and South Florida. Her articles have appeared in The Society of Professional Journalists' Online Quill Magazine, the Huffington (more...)
 

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