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November 19, 2008 at 21:26:52

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The Apocalypse Quiz: Kiss Your Butts Good-Bye!

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By Tim Cerantola (about the author)     Page 2 of 2 page(s)

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a) Barack Obama
b) Sarah Palin
c) Bill Gates Jr.
d) The “meek” (minus the usual 15% in lawyers fees).

5. What is meant by “the rapture?”
a) It’s something that can happen when you pick up a really heavy object.
b) A Toronto basketball player.
c) It’s when God will rescue His faithful before the battle of Armageddon.
d) It’s the feeling I’ll get when the Toronto Maple Leafs finally win
the Stanley Cup again.

6. It is said that when Jesus returns, He will set up his earthly kingdom in…

a) New Jersey
b) New Hampshire
c) Wasilla, Alaska
d) The New Jerusalem

7. Which of the following 2 characters did NOT help Dorothy find her way to the Emerald City?

a) The Scarecrow
b) The Anti-Christ
c) The Tin Man
d) The False Prophet
e) The Cowardly Lion

8. In the 11th century, the Irish Bishop Malachy made a series of predictions, meticulously listing and describing each of the remaining 112 Popes leading up to the final battle of Armageddon. According to Malachi’s predictions, only one Pope remains after our present Pope Benedict.

Pick the correct one
a) Pope Cheney, the Dick
b) Peter, the Roman.
c) Arnold, the Schwartzenegger
d) Pope Obama, the flipflopper

9. Which of the following is NOT an Edgar Cayce prophecy?

a) Atlantis will rise from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean.
b) In North America, a cataclysmic change will cause the Great Lakes
to drain into the Gulf of Mexico.
c) Both California and Japan will sink into the Pacific Ocean.
d) Pizza will be delivered within 30 minutes - or it’s free.

And finally…

10. What have the prophets really been trying to warn mankind of for centuries?
a) Of the many earth changes to come.
b) That the mark of “the Beast” is just a bad haircut.
c) That the words prophet and profit are surprisingly similar.
d) That like P.T. Barnum said, there’s a sucker born every minute.

YOUR QUIZ SCORE: Who cares? The end is near for Pete’s sake. For once in
your life stop trying to be such a smarty-pants!

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Tim Cerantola's humour and political satire has been published in over 25 magazines and newspapers. When he is not pretending to be a writer, he works at a real job working with autistic and special needs children.

The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author
and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

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a poll, it would have been more fun!!!! by iamjmb on Thursday, Nov 20, 2008 at 2:35:06 PM
Poll-Pole? by Zena Princess on Thursday, Nov 20, 2008 at 9:13:55 PM
Teachers Answer Book by Gallaher on Friday, Nov 21, 2008 at 2:13:48 AM
Whoops Apocalypse! by nightgaunt on Friday, Nov 21, 2008 at 2:13:29 PM

 
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