And we celebrate her dad's birthday every year - with a cake and a party when she was younger, and a lunch date when she got older. But always with the stories.
So your daughter's memories will not diminish, but grow, as time goes on, inspired by the photos and the stories of other family members. I believe that this is how the fabric of a rich family heritage is woven, whatever the length of the lifetimes of its members.
The one thing I would have liked to have, and which brings me to the reason I am writing, is a recording of my husband reading aloud one of my daughter's favorite books. I would have liked to sit with her on my lap at story time, turning the pages, as we both listened to her father speak the words. Even for grandkids, it would be lovely to have the voice of the grandfather they never knew, as part of their experience. And for the choice of a book, I would have picked something like "The Velveteen Rabbit." And if I could have chosen more, they would have included another favorite, "Goodnight, Moon," and all seven of C.S. Lewis' "Chronicles of Narnia," a timeless read for any age.
I wouldn't have thought of this idea except that as my daughter got older, and I hired a babysitter when I had classes or meetings in the evenings, she wouldn't go to sleep until I came home to read her a story. So, as a problem-solving measure, I recorded her favorite stories. Then the babysitter played the recording and turned the pages of the book, as my daughter drifted off to sleep, hearing my voice. (As a busy single mom, in order to save time, I made the recordings as I was actually reading the stories to her. The unexpected bonus was that her comments and our interactions are also on the tape.)
On a similar note, when her grandmother died, I made my daughter a simple quilt from mom's clothing. It was healing for me to make it and healing for my daughter to have it. (They don't call quilts "comforters" for nothing!)
You two are shining examples of how we are not our circumstances and that we always have the choice of the attitude that we hold in any situation, perfectly illuminating my motto, which is a quote from Martha Washington:
"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances."
Thanks for the legacy that you have given to your children and to the world—the importance of focusing on the fun in every moment. I believe your remarkable examples of how you both choose to face the "hand you have been dealt," is serving to raise the consciousness of society, away from the perception of victimhood, and toward self-empowerment and joy. And the richness of that legacy cannot but have an extraordinary and beneficial effect on your children.
Thank you.
Meryl Ann Butler
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