JB: Oh, the myriad ways we fool ourselves! Did you have initial misgivings about the prison angle: going to the prison, interacting with the prisoners? Can you talk about that, please?
SKL: My only anxiety about going into the prison was that it was new and different and I didn't know what to expect -- that's pretty much how I feel about anything that I do for the first time, whether it's joining the PTO or walking into a medium correctional facility.
The prison captain who was in charge of the puppy program did a lot to assuage my fears. He understood how intimidating it can be to walk into a prison for the first time, so he gave me step-by-step instructions on the phone, providing sort of a mental map of the route from the parking lot into the reception area, past the double-locked doors and gates, across the courtyard and into shift command where the puppy exchange takes place. As for meeting the inmate, I knew that he'd be on his best behavior and that there would be a correctional officer present to oversee the puppy exchange.
JB: So, tell us a bit about Keith, your co-parenting prisoner. How was it to work with him? What strengths did he bring to the puppy raising?
SKL: Keith was in his early 30s when we started working together. He had worked with a few other dogs as a backup handler, but Daisy was the first puppy that he had primary responsibility for. He struck me from the beginning as somebody devoted to his job. I could tell it was important to him to do everything right. I only saw him with the dog for a few minutes each week, but what I observed was that he was in control of his own actions and aware of the dog at the end of his leash at all times. This was so he could divert, distract, reposition, praise, whatever was necessary at the moment it became necessary. It took me a long time (two or three dogs) to achieve this level of control as a puppy raiser.
Keith knew dog training and he knew Daisy (and later, Holly, the second puppy we raised together). It was incredibly reassuring to know that he was there to help me through the rough patches, even if it was only for a couple of minutes, twice a week.
JB: Prison protocol discouraged much chit chat or exchange of information at your weekly hand-off of the puppy. There's so much to know and learn from one another, if the conditions are right. Did you find that frustrating?
SKL: It was very frustrating. I developed this almost consuming need to talk with Keith about Daisy in the same way that I needed to talk with my husband about our children when they were babies. Keith was the only other person in the world who cared as deeply as I did about Daisy, who knew her as well as I did. I wanted to share my thoughts and theories about her with him, to talk about her funny little habits and hash out our concerns. But there just wasn't enough time to do that. Also, there was so much I wanted to know about Daisy's life during the week. What time did she wake up in the morning? Did she have a favorite toy? Did she press stray socks into his hands when she wanted attention like she did with me?
JB: There were various points along the way where it looked as if graduation might elude Daisy. For a time, you were of two minds about that possibility. Why?
SKL: I was too ashamed to admit this to anyone, but I was secretly hoping Daisy would fail so I could adopt her. Over time, as our bond grew, I began to think of her as mine. Every weekend, Daisy became my dog as truly as Tucker had been my dog. Problem was, she belonged to NEADS, and eventually she would be somebody's service dog. But " if she flunked out of the program " I nurtured that secret desire for a few months. Then something happened that caused Keith to believe Daisy would flunk out. He was so deflated by the prospect, that it made me realize for the first time how badly he needed Daisy succeed. That broke the spell for me. After that, I became committed to seeing Daisy graduate.
JB: That was a big step; you turned a corner in the relationship or should I say relationships - with Daisy but also with Keith. Because of the time you and your family spent with Daisy, you also noticed changes in the family dynamic and even in your child-raising skills. That's fascinating; what can you tell us about it?
SKL: Well, first off, Daisy's adorableness was so powerful that it sucked my teenage daughter out of her room. My daughter was 15 and spent most of her time behind her bedroom door. The more lasting impact of Daisy, though, was that she helped me become more empathetic toward my children. I had mentioned earlier that I was impressed by the way Keith was so tuned in to Daisy. I learned from him and through working with Daisy that it's critical to be present and aware of both yourself and your dog at all times. Otherwise you risk losing a training opportunity. For example, if you're at the playground with your dog and see her sniffing toward a cigarette butt, you'll have time to gently coax her back to your side before she gets her mouth around it. If you're not tuned into your dog, she'll eat it and decide it tasted pretty good. Then you'll have a dog who lunges after cigarette butts. You also have to be in control of yourself. If you screech at her not to touch that disgusting thing and yank on her leash, your dog will learn that you're unpredictable. When you calmly redirect her, she'll forget all about the cigarette butt and focus instead on you, which is what you want.
I discovered that the same method works with my kids, in particular my daughter. By the time she was a teenager, our relationship had become pretty tense. She'd complain about her brother, I would defend him, and suddenly we'd be arguing. Then we'd both be angry and hurt and miserable. My daughter would shut herself back into her room and I'd fantasize about running away from home.
Applying what I learned with Daisy meant paying attention to my daughter's feelings and forcing myself not to react negatively. If she was complaining about her little brother for the 40th time that day, chances are she was unhappy about a whole lot of things, many unrelated to him, and I could give her what she needed at that time: empathy.
JB: That's pretty terrific, Sharron, for all concerned. What have you discovered on that score through your weekend puppy raising experiences? Just how do dogs improve our quality of life?
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