Gangs Rule in Los Angeles While the City Council Polices the Fatties

Here are a few suggestions for new laws to police fatties for “their own good.”

The council and mayor love taxes more than we love our super-sized-to-choke-an-elephant burgers, so tax the calories…a penny tax on every calorie.

If that messy mile-high succulent, to-die-for burger contains 1,500 calories, that’s $15 in tax. Add another 2,000 calories for the fries, onion rings and milk shake, and the city coffers get a Whooper-ing $35.

Mandate the installation of wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling mirrors in all restaurants.

Or they could simply widen doorways.

Place a 10-percent extra-large luxury tax on all clothing X-large and then some.

To help relieve L.A.’s horridly congested traffic, place an extra five-cent a gallon gas tax for the milkshake-guzzling public, because it takes more fuel to haul them around and adds to extra wear and tear on our already potholed streets.

All the health police who love to spoon-feed us absolutes on what we should eat must have full-length photos of themselves -- in profile -- published in every news story where they’re quoted telling us how, what, where and when to eat.

For those who don’t need calorie counters, posted signs are yet another eye-blight to sift through, and the rest will be annoyed by the unwanted guilt-trip reminders…you can count on that.

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