Additionally, the all-or-nothing mindset of the maladaptive perfectionist often prevents any change from happening. First, because of the tendency to procrastinate. Second, because every departure from the perfect path is immediately interpreted as failure, which leads the perfectionist to give up.
Joan: It sounds like the maladaptive perfectionist has trapped him/herself in a vicious cycle. Is there a way to escape from and change lifelong patterns and allow ourselves to be happy?
Tal: Here are a few tips:
1. Use visualization. Our brain is the most sophisticated simulator ever invented. Use it! For example, visualize yourself failing and dealing in a healthy manner with this failure--getting up and continuing toward success. Or if perfectionism manifests itself in your being overly defensive, see yourself responding kindly to other people's criticism.2. Appreciate what you have. Keep a gratitude journal or regularly remind yourself of the things that you appreciate in your life. Perfectionists tend to take for granted what they already have.
3. Keep track of your progress. At the end of the day, you can do what Harvard Business School professor Theresa Amabile recommends, and that is to write down what progress you have made today. This could be especially important for dealing with perfectionism in the workplace.
4. Give yourself the permission to be human. Rather than beating yourself over the head for having perfectionist tendencies, accept yourself and your feelings. The paradox is that when we accept rather than reject our emotions--even if we do not like them--we have more control over our actions.
5. Fail more! Put yourself on the line more, take more risks--because that means that you'll fail more. And when you fail more, over time the fear of failure will diminish. You are a lot more resilient than you think you are, and the only way to realize that is by going through the experience of failure. Be courageous and just do it. And remember that courage is not about not having fear, it is about having fear and going ahead anyway.
To summarize, If you are a perfectionist, you are probably not failing enough--which means that you are not fulfilling your potential for wellbeing and success. Why? Because we learn and grow through failure. In the words of Thomas Watson, legendary CEO of IBM, "If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate."
Joan: These are all practical suggestions. Thank you. I recently had the opportunity to hear you speak on the topic of "How Great Leaders Create Great Places to Work". How much of a role do employers have in creating a great workplace?
Tal: Employers play a significant role in creating a great workplace. Here are some things that they can do:
Help their employees identify and exercise their strengths. People who know and use their strengths are happier, more motivated, and more successful in the workplace.
Provide what Harvard Professor Amy Edmondson calls Psychological Safety, which is the confidence that no member of the team would be embarrassed or punished if she spoke out, asked for assistance, or failed in a specific task. When team leaders create a climate of psychological safety, when members feel comfortable "failing" and then sharing and discussing their mistakes, all members of the team can learn and improve. In contrast, when mistakes are concealed, learning is less likely to take place, and the likelihood that errors will be repeated is higher.
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