John McCain: We need to stop sending $700-billion dollars to people who don’t like us very much, like those bastards on Wall Street. We need to buy up bad home mortgages…in fact, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that when I paused my campaign to give Sarah more time to cram for her debate.
Brokaw: Who do you want for Secretary of the Treasury?
McCain: Not YOU Tom.
(AWKWARD SILENCE)
McCain: I’m thinking Meg Whitman because she just laid off 1600 people from EBay yesterday. And she doesn’t have a smart mouth like that Carly Fiorina from HP.
Obama: Well I like Warren Buffet because he’s so rich he doesn’t need to dip into the till, plus he’s donating to my campaign.
OLIVER CLARK: What will the Bailout do to help Joe Sixpack?
McCain: Well, That One over there (nodding to Obama) was having a three-way with Frannie and Feddie. And they left money on the dresser after they had their way with him.
Obama: The Bailout is gonna make it possible for you to take out a loan for that new TV set down to the Rent-to-Own store. And Johnny-boy over there, well his campaign manager Rick Davis was slurping down the gravy from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac up until four weeks ago.
McCain: Buy up more bad home loans, I’m tellin’ ya.
TERESA FINCH: Why should we trust either of you bozos when both parties got us into this financial shithole?
Obama: Well now hold on there. We had a surplus when Bush stole the presidency 8 years ago and now we’ve got a $10-Trillion dollar deficit—we can’t rob Hu Jintao to pay King Saud!
McCain: I worked with Feingold on Campaign Finance Reform, even though I’m flouting my own laws at the moment to win this damn thing. Barry over here is a Tax And Spend Liberal. I’m more of a Spend and Charge Fiscal Conservative. Deficits don’t matter, like the Vice President says.
Brokaw: Health, energy, entitlements—what’s it gonna be?
McCain: What was the question again?
Brokaw: Health, energy, entitlements—which is your first priority?
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