Standing in Salty's parking lot, I was getting drunker by the minute. Having little or no money, we used to throw down the various drinks left by the ladies who were away from their tables dancing with the swabbies, especially near closing time.
And illogically, my worries about the whereabouts of my old Fairlane soon gave way to the crazy thought that I had to go back into Salty's and help Tony. But as soon as I turned back to Salty's front door, I heard someone yell, "I GOT THE OTHER ONE."
I turned just in time to see the fiercest face since our fraternity housemother, Mother Shiver, was last screaming at me.
Bearing down on me was the largest German shepherd I had ever seen. I swear that dog looked like a pony. And behind that horse-of-a-dog was a cop, running flat out toward me.
Obviously, the sneaky restaurant hostess in Salty's had identified me as the semi-good-looking blond guy in white shorts, wearing a dark blue Izod shirt (the one with the little alligator), complete with Bass Weejun loafers, with no socks.
Then out of the Twilight Zone appeared a police squad car with Tony slumped in the back seat, behind a wire screen separating the front of the car from the rear.
Without a word of introduction, the cop on foot rudely shoved me into the squad car next to Tony, who appeared to have passed out.
The cop driving gunned the engine, while the cop riding shotgun got on his radio.
I started talking.
"Officers, we're just a couple of football players from the University of Florida. If you'll let us go, I'll drive straight outta town and back to Gainesville. I'm sober as a judge and we've got to be at practice this afternoon --
On and on I went. I needed all the chutzpah I could muster.
I never stopped talking about football, hoping the cops were Gator rather than FSU Seminole fans.
The car slowed and I kept talking. Then, the driver looked toward his partner, who shrugged; I kept talking.
"You guys gonna beat Georgia?" asked the driver.
"Yes sir. Absolutely. And iffing you all let us go, you both will have played a great part in that victory."
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