But one doesn't rebuke the likes of Jamie Dimon for this sort of behavior. Nor does one upset the social order of Washington's finest by scolding officials for their indifferent attitude toward criminal collusion on behalf of decapitation-crazed drug lords like El Loco. After all, what are a few severed heads between friends?
You may think the mass killing of innocents is wrong. Fair enough. Others may look upon it as a chance to commit highly profitable felonies. As the President likes to say, surely we can "disagree without being disagreeable."
Pass the tapas, Jamie.
Politicians and regulators serve criminal banks for the very same reason that Willie Sutton robbed them: That's where the money is. If these Senators don't figure that out pretty soon, they're going to have to go to the people to raise money.
And going to the people is a ghastly experience, darling. Anybody on the Washington social scene knows that. The people are messy, over-emotional, and have all sorts of opinions about their government -- opinions that interfere with the cozy consensus that's constantly being formed at cocktail parties with the likes of Eric Holder and Jamie Dimon.
It's your choice, Senators: You can lower your social standing by hanging around with "the people," or you can raise it by hobnobbing with "all the right people." Be forewarned: The wrong choice may cause you to lose out on a lot of campaign cash. You may not get those cushy corporate Board appointments when you leave office, not to mention those highly-paid jobs as spokespeople for corporate shell groups like Fix the Debt.
Is your integrity worth that much to you?
The good news is that it's not too late. You'll find that the genteel elite is more than willing to forgive your past moral transgressions -- that is, the transgression of having morals -- a fact to which many of your fellow Democrats can attest. So take it easy, won't you? Repent, relent ... and relax. Get off this nutty "ethics" kick, if only for your own sakes! Invitations to the right parties will soon start flowing your way. There you'll enjoy the warmth of the laughter, the quality of the food, and the generosity of your future patrons.
Just be careful not to stumble on the severed heads as you leave.