"It doesn't matter if his other views are a little weird, any more than it matters that numerous Truther sources are also holocaust deniers. Facts speak for themselves!"
And then there's veteran conspiracy researcher Tim Foil, who claims that both Burgle and Icky are "alien communist shills" distracting the masses from the truth.
"It's the same psy-op as the people who claim that Obama was born in Kenya," he explained between legal consultations regarding the lawsuit over his last investigation: "You give people just enough truth to think they're onto something, and then they'll gladly pull the wool over their own eyes because they think they're being revolutionary. And they're the worst counter-revolutionaries of all."
According to Mr. Foil, Obama is most likely a replacement: a creature created from a human abducted by creatures from Zeta Reticuli XIX, who is then filled with alien technology and then sent to Earth to infiltrate and destroy from within. In times past, plans put into motion by President Reagan kept the Reticulons from gaining more than a toe-hold in this fashion. However, with the last vestiges of Reaganesque power having been destroyed by George W. Bush's "inept bungling worthy of treason charges," more replacements than ever before are infiltrating, and creating more.
"I have no doubt that, unless the public is rapidly educated as to the true nature of the threat we face, we will be facing a crisis ten times worse than the one Ronald Reagan had to deal with when he took over from that quisling Alien lover Carter. So we need to raise as much awareness as we can, without sounding like total kooks.
"I recommend a squad of Earthers picket the White House every day, preferably dressed like aliens, and demand immediate action on this issue."
However, unlike Burgle, Foil believes a DNA test would be worthless at this point, given that the Reticulons tend to wrap their agents in human skin. The surest way to find out if Obama is an alien would be to check his colon for the metal "space crickets" the aliens use as technology "" preferably with the media watching to assure total transparency.
"However, if you think the President of the United States is going to sit still for a semi-public proctological exam, you're crazy."
While the Earthers' contentious debate has yet to truly filter into the MSM, or even the blogosphere, the notion that Obama is not of this world has had some notable consequences.
For example, Sgt. Jay G. Kuttenrun, of Chickenhawk, MO, is currently fighting deployment to Afghanistan by claiming that Obama was born off-planet, and is therefore not a legitimate Commander In Chief, and unable to deploy anyone anywhere they do not wish to go.
Kuttenrun's previous attempts to avoid deployment to that war zone included transvestism, selective amnesia, and having public relations with his rifle, "Betsy."
(This article is a work of SATIRE and should not be taken seriously. Of course, neither should the Birthers.)
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