When you become vulnerable, says Tony de Mello, you open yourself to "flowing."
If forgiveness is genuine, it is actually a recognition that there is nothing to forgive.
Otherwise, "forgiveness" is saying, "I'm one up, you're one down."
What do you do with anger?
Repress it. Never.
Feel it. Always.
Discharge it. Always (e.g., fantasy).
Express it. Sometimes (e.g., seen, heard, if appropriate).
Report it (e.g., say something). Sometimes.
Act upon it. Never. Morally wrong. Involves "prior decision."
There are two kinds of fantasy:
(1) the fantasy that leads me to act, and
(2) the fantasy that does not lead me to act.
The more you are in touch with anger, the more you are in control of it.
Love without fighting is not love.
But you have to be trained how to fight, and you have to fight fair. [TJF Aug. 2012: Concerning how to fight, see Donna Hicks' book Dignity: The Essential Role It Plays in Resolving Conflict (Yale University Press, 2011).]