I say this, because I think I may have been hallucination for the past 24 hours. Water poisoning. Drowned brain cells. Film at Eleven.

Yesterday, as I finished my news broadcast and headed toward the facilities, I happened to spy a broadcast of that cable news channel. And, it scared the liver and lights out of me.

It seemed as if every coiffed talking head who could slap another journo upside the head and steal his or her microphone was standing in front of the camera pontificating about impeachment.. Suddenly, I was looking at the “Impeachment Channel”.

The political smörgåsbord, replete with resolute senators and congress kritters was suddenly brimming with backbone and resolve. Yes, it was happening. They said so. Man, I felt the earth move.

Wow! Has America finally pulled the alien mind control parasites from their ears and regained control of their brains? Oh, man. We're talking world changing history here. What's gonna happen next?

Well, my mud-tainted ear wax must have up and killed those parasites in my head, because the hallucinations departed as quickly as they came. As I stood in front of the telly, it was if a tsunami roared in and scoured Broadcast land clean of anything resembling yesterday's broadcast.

Maybe some alien entity took control of the airwaves in my neck of the woods. Or a thoracic surgeon found a couple of steel rods to implant in a few of our political 'leaders.'

I dunno. The whole thing confused the snot out of me and my brain is still vibrating from all of the promises, oaths, declarations and utterances.

Was it only me? Did I pass through a singularity? Did a black hole take up residence in my gray matter and alter my synapses, neurons, and cells forever?

What was that phenomena and was it real or a figment of my solar-powered imagination. (My enemies say I've been out in the sun too long, but they're just jealous because I can hallucinate without the benefit of recreational pharmaceuticals.)

Can I lay the blame for all of this upon liquid, lard or grease? Has my body become a junkie's delight, able to manufacture hallucinogens from any material that I ingest?

Must I go back to consuming mass quantities of my second favorite drug—high fructose corn syrup?

I am just confused. I mean, our water has been declared so toxic that it is recommended that you not eat any of the river's fishy bounty consistently. Doing so could make you grow three livers and could possibly activate those scores of Conservative prions lurking between your ears.

I really thought that I had a serious mental condition, though. Maybe that half pound hamburger I consumed hours earlier had been tainted by imported dog or piranha chow. Whatever it was, the voices in my head are gone. The visions have stopped. And I can look across the room without seeing dancing lobbyists jumping for joy before my very eyes.

So, I think I'll go out for lunch this afternoon, but I will bite the bullet and try to avoid red meat, white meat, and fish, crustacean . And, while I am detoxifying my body, I may as well work on my brain matter.

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