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Some recent postings about sex got me thinking about the types of pleasure and happiness available to people.There's a useful distinction between pure physical pleasure -- from sex, food, and drugs -- and more subtle forms of happiness, involving, say, friendhsip, caring, and spirituality.
I think the distinction between pleasure and happiness is valid -- there is such a continuum -- but I think human experiences often involve a mixture of feelings from both ends of the spectrum. Even spiritual joy typically involves pleasure.
Sexual pleasure is often associated with feelings of love. Indeed, the two complement each other, so that the most satisfying relationship is one involving passion, friendship, and caring. Some couples are best lovers, best friends, and soul mates.
But it can be hard to tell the difference between lust and love. For the young, falling in love feels all-encompassing. A teeny-bopper's first crush in middle school feels like true love.
The fickleness of the human heart can make us wonder whether love is real. Even if we love our partners, we are liable to lust after others.
I don't drink or take drugs. So I'm not really familiar with the pleasure from drugs, except for a bit of low-level experimentation in college.
Specifically, I've never tried cocaine or heroin. Can someone tell me what they're like? Is the pleasure from these drugs as intense as the pleasures from sex? How are they different? I've read that cocaine directly stimulates pleasure centers in the brain.
For me, the pleasure from eating food is generally much less intense than the pleasures from romance. But maybe some people -- gourmands -- really love eating.
Same with cigarettes. Some people love their smoke.
And of course, some people love to drink. Alcoholics love their drink more than they love their families.
Getting back to the pleasures of foods ... once I went to a wonderful buffet restaurant in Seattle's U-district. The husband is Lebanese and the wife is (East) Indian. The food was SO well-prepared that I was in bliss. I told the owner I wanted to hug the chef. He said that he's the chef. So I hugged him. That probably gave him satisfaction.
Pecan pie gives me intense pleasure. Too bad it's made with egg yolks.
Within sexual pleasure, there are distinctions. There's the anticipation and fun of the excitement phase. There's the sweetness and exhilaration of the plateau stage. For men, that can include a sense of power or possession. Perhaps women feel power too -- the power to give pleasure -- along with a feeling of being possessed.
The climax phase is blissfulness, followed by release.
Other types of pleasure that come to mind: a cool breeze, blissful sleep (especially when I'm very sleepy), watching a beautiful sunset, listening to beautiful music, watching sports, attending a dance performance, going to a swing dance with my partner, physical exercise, finishing a project at work, and gaining worldly success (such as having an essay accepted for publication).
Some people enjoy humiliating others.
Some people get joy from defeating or killing an enemy. Perhaps we're all capable of that.
Some people like to get into quarrels and brawls.
Revenge is sweet.
Success -- making lots of money, or winning a Nobel prize -- is sweet.
Laughing at a joke, watching darling children, hugging children or friends, helping others, reading a book, understanding a difficult poem or proof -- these are maybe higher sorts of pleasures.
Probably my longest, most precious and sustained joy came from my children when they were small. It's sortof embarrassing that this is such a biological pleasure.
Babies and little kids are a joy. They can melt the heart. Kittens, puppies, and other small animals evoke a similar joy, I suppose.
Singing, especially in a chorus, can be joyful.
There is a spiritual sort of joy that feels like grace or bliss or a sense of well-being. Or a feeling of cosmic consciousness.
I myself don't pray -- since I don't believe in God -- but I'm sure that believers get a sense of peace and joy from prayer.
Apparently, there are more subtle spiritual states that are harder to categorize.
Satoris and samadhi and nirvana. Read books by Jack Kornfield for descriptions, especially A Path with Heart. Meditation and chanting, especially in a group, can be joyful. Other times it doesn't seem to work.
Some spiritual teachers say enlightenment is blissful. Some teachers say it's more blissful than sex. Other teachers say that enlightenment is beyond pleasure and pain.
One Zen teacher says that joy is a crude emotion.
Too much spiritual joy can be a trap and a risk.
According to a naive, New Age notion of spirituality, becoming enlightened means that you're filled with light and bliss, and you never have to suffer again. But Buddhist teachers and many other spiritual teachers tend to say that suffering is inevitable: we all eventually get sick and die, or are killed prematurely. Everything is ephemeral. Real spirituality isn't "getting" something (that would please the ego). Rather, "true" spirituality means that you (d)evolve to the point where there's no ego left to get anything. Real spirituality is letting go, not grasping onto joy or any other positive state. Becoming selfless. Then you naturally help others and feel their pain.
Is that the same as a return to a child-like state of innocence?
If you think spirituality means getting high, then maybe you should take drugs instead.
Much of our suffering comes from our futile attempts to hold onto that which is inherently slippery and unholdable. The point of spirituality is to let go, live authentically, fearlessly and openly, so we're available to feel both joys and sorrows.
I suspect that spiritual people do feel more joy, but they probably feel more pain too -- and given the problems in the world, there sure is a lot to be sad about.
I sometimes wonder why people aren't crying in the streets and gnashing their teeth.
Anyway, I wonder whether people don't pursue spiritual practice for selfish reasons: it makes them happy and reduces their suffering.
I haven't given up on pleasure and joy yet.
