Trascending Perception

by

Roger Kent Pool

©2006 All rights reserved

Grail

On July 4th 2006 at exactly 4:44 A.M. I unraveled the purpose of the Universe. I now know why am I here and why my life was such a struggle. At that precise moment I became a new being. This "event" in my life I will refer to as "the" or "my transformation." My life flashed before my eyes and I immediately knew the purpose and reason for every event, good, bad, interesting and mundane that occurred in my entire life. I now perceive with completely new senses and I am no longer confused. I have no worry or fear. Most would label me insane. I can look at my world in every direction and question, "who is really the sane one?" For me everything makes perfect logical sense. The Universe has changed from a cold heartless place full of pain and misery to a place of great compassion. It is merely a perception change and it is something that anyone can do. I'm not special. I simply changed my perception and it made all the difference. I will explain in detail how I did it, what happened, and what the effect it had on me. Before I begin, one must understand that the use of "I" in this document is only for the reader's benefit. To be truthful I had nothing really to do with it. It was always supposed to happen. The only thing I was able to do was stubbornly delay its inevitable occurrence.

If one is satisfied, happy with the way the world appears and their place in it then this is not for them. If, however, all the religion, psychology, philosophy and science does not provide one a logical and complete explanation and if the reader longs for a concrete and complete view of their existence then the reader must first forget everything they know and relearn how to perceive. It will be uncomfortable and most people's first instinct is to rebel. That is natural. We are creatures of habit and it takes courage to put away one's deepest held convictions. I was no different in that regard. Why I was different was I was not able to simply stop reading. When this was revealed to me I had no choice to look away. In reality, I had no choice at all. I was made to know this and nothing I could do could stop it. I am powerless.

This is not about cult creation. I want no followers. A companion that sees what I see would be nice. No one is under any obligation whatsoever. When one understands then they will know that neither I nor any other person will have that power over another. I am not here to create a religion, a philosophy or a science or to impugn the same. I am merely relating my experience when I opened a hidden doorway by simply changing my perception. Perception and how one interprets the feed back of their senses is the key to seeing what is actually around us. What is actually there is truth. What I was seeing before my transformation was selfish delusion.

Do not be offended or misunderstand what I am about to say because the reader must understand that I once held the same "values", relied on the same "facts" and "truths". I was equally wrong. I do not mean to be insulting, crass, indelicate, or dismissive. What I state here is provable and until one can transcend their perception, then they are not yet in a position to dissent or disagree. Actually arguing becomes pointless because truth exists outside of our ability to perceive it. Do not fall for the subjective truth over objective truth debate because there is a hook in that fallacy and one becomes not the prey but the bait. If one claims to simply disagree on the "facts" then the reader will understand the pitfalls on that road because facts are not truth. If I indeed wanted to enslave a person the first thing I would do is convince them to believe is something like: "the truth is different for everyone" or "we all given different truth." Some facts are true but facts are the "image" of truth and not the actual truth. When one is able to perceive as I do then they will be in a position to discuss the ideas presented. Otherwise it will be as a blind person arguing with a sighted person what red is.

I do not mean to appear condescending or arrogant. The fact is, that if one is able to incorporate what I say without condition and understand what I say without condition then one will experience the most powerful life-changing event in their lives. Those who feel that it will not top your "born-again" experience and think you know the truth are in for the biggest surprise. Do not be afraid I am not inconsistent with any religious experience. If the reader is able to pass through the doorway they will understand. I will know they understand. Why I will know, lies at the very heart of the issue and I will now attempt to open the reader's eyes. Again I have nothing to do with it.

A discussion of perception is incomplete without an understanding of sanity. A popular definition posited by Benjamin Franklin was:

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

Why is that important? If one does not recognize the effect of their actions then they are not properly processing their sensory input and are disconnected from reality or they are unable to think and react properly with respect to reality. This skill at processing our reality is our perception. This skill also varies from person-to-person and from moment-to-moment. We collectively set an arbitrary threshold to test whether a person or behavior is sane or insane. Engaging in an insane behavior does not automatically mean a person is insane. We set another arbitrary threshold based on the frequency of these insane behaviors. All of us seem to intuitively recognize insanity when judging others but we have trouble sometimes recognizing it in ourselves. We are limited in that we are unable to read another person's mind and we are forced to evaluate a person based solely on physical behavior.

A more useful understanding of insanity is required for our purposes:

Insanity is the inability to correctly process the truth.

This definition incorporates the first definition because our behavior is largely due to a cognitive reaction to sensory perceptive input. What is truth?

Truth is simply what exists.

Even though a person may be lucid and cognitively aware they can still exhibit insane behavior if they are reacting to an erroneous view of reality and it does not mean a human being is insane it means they are merely disconnected from the truth. This separates mental or physical impairment from the definition of insanity, as perception and sanity are functions of the mind. A hearing impaired person is not insane because they cannot detect a sound that exists. They are simply impaired.

Since before recorded history humankind has lived with a bigoted perception of the truth. We are dependent on our senses and our brains to build our reality. We communicate to one another to confirm that how we perceive reality is consistent with those around us. We have literally been doing this consciously and subconsciously since we became self-aware. Just because everyone agrees on our perception of the truth it does not mean that it is the truth. The truth exists independent of our ability to perceive it. Our bigoted approach to reality is the "same thing" we are doing over and over but we still have trouble discerning the truth. Are we insane or simply impaired?

What would happen if humankind had a tool we could use to transcend our limited senses and know the truth about our surroundings, others and ourselves? As "luck" would have it we all have a tool available to break through the deception of our senses. We just do not use it because we do the same thing over and over and expect different results. This paper is about how I was able to break out of that cycle and others can do the same.

I would like to introduce a symbol the "Ø". "Ø" is the set theory representation of "empty set" or "Null Set" and is sometimes represented using curly braces {}. In the set of complete human thought and language there does not exist a singular term to properly represent the concept, being or force who is the supreme authority in the Universe. The symbol "Ø" is not an image of this being or an idol to worship. Why not just use "God"? The reader is at liberty to replace "Ø" with any term they are comfortable with. Specific terms tend to create an automatic block to understanding for many people. They often become lost in an argument over religion or semantics. This is one reason for employing a neutral term. In addition, it is a fact that Ø is largely misunderstood and ignorantly blamed for a host of human suffering, frustration and depravity.

Where I come from is not important. In the description of myself, it must be understood that I primarily refer to my character and makeup prior to my transformation. My idiosyncrasies were not accidental and would inevitably bring about the transformation that I experienced. Again, I use the pronoun "I" only because the readers, at least in the beginning, will understand better if I start from their perspective and within the boundaries of their current perception. The reader must understand that for most of my life I shared the same perception.

For most part of my life I was quite asleep lulled into the delusion that everything was OK and those in the world had my best interest in mind. Criminals were responsible for all the bad things that happened and they were to be shunned and punished for their aberrant behavior. They were easy to understand and hate. I could see aspects of my own behavior that one could easy deduce were products of a selfish free will.The Universe from my perspective was a product of chaos and probability. All things happened because of thermodynamics, physics and because of the interesting way the Universe just is. It was not long before I discovered that logic and reason when applied to human behavior, either individually or corporately was, in what I perceived at the time, a waste of time.

I am a curious person to a fault. I had this obsessive drive to know "how", "why" and for "what purpose". Curiosity led me to study the world as a scientist and test things to reveal their nature. If I could not determine why something was, the way it was, I would hold that open project open for decades until I received more information to answer my questions. As time went by I was able, through reading and education to settle many of my questions. I remember in college by simply understanding three simple laws I figured out why Schrödinger's equation works to predict the shape and position of electron clouds thereby defining the shape of the atom. I knew why the atom looks the way it does. I was all excited and talked after hours with my chemistry professor. He did not understand what I was excited about. He kept telling me how the atomic shells were arranged and I kept telling him why. I would have had more success talking to a brick. It was not his fault. Many people are simply satisfied how things are and never go the extra step to know why. True understanding comes from answering the question why and for what logical purpose. What is an atom's shape is a relatively easy question to answer. It took man nearly our entire lifespan on earth in time to answer but in general terms it was easy. Said another way, "We figured it out it can't be that hard." "Why is a planet round?" is an easy question. What is the reason for the shape of an atom and the shape of a planet are questions on whole different level. Questions I placed on the back burner for 25 years.

I can remember my last day as a young adult and it was a day where I was truly happy. After that day it was a slow slide into misery. When I quit the first two years of college I perceived my Universe as a concrete place that obeyed a rigid set of natural laws and were subject to the rule of probability and chaos. All things could be predicted and proven mathematically and scientifically. I was well versed in exististentialism and for me it worked well as my model.

This was the starting point. However, I soon realized that there were problems with my model that I had to continually make exceptions for. Odd things were occurring that could not be attributed to random chance or probability.

To understand what oddities I am talking about, I will use the following example:

If I stand outside the doorway to an empty room and throw a pencil into the room. In nearly all cases, it will land on its side. However there exists a distinct possibility that it will land and come to rest straight up on its eraser. The chance is remote. I might have to throw the pencil into the room quadrillions of times or more to get it to land perfectly on its eraser. What I was experiencing over and over and I am sure others have experience the same thing is this: If I throw the pencil into the room and the first time it lands on its eraser and the second time I throw it into the room it lands on its eraser. Then I, as a scientist, have to be witnessing something worth noticing. The exististentialist would say it was a function of luck and probability. Curiously, I know I am not exceptional in this regard, these types of things happen continually in people's lives. I recognized there was something to this phenomenon but I could not answer why logically.

I was entertaining a number of ideas that were a result of my amateur interest in astrophysics and classical physics. Einstein stated that nothing in this universe travels faster then light. I never took that to mean nothing travels faster then light. If there are objects traveling faster then the speed of light then we would not be able to perceive them because we are trapped here and they cannot be present in our Universe. I was starting to look beyond my perception and seeing areas that I would not be able to breach, as my senses would not allow it. I soon realized that no one would be able to see anything operating outside of our reality because any tools used to achieve that would be constructed with energies, forces and materials confined and subject to natural laws within this reality. Although my enthusiasm for physics never waned I felt it was a futile effort to try to unlock the mysteries of the Universe without thinking transcendently.

Physics was not the only major topic where I was confused. I did not at the time realize it but all my outstanding questions were tied together. I would not mention it if it was not vital to my transformation. On the wall in my parent's house was an old parchment print of the US Constitution and Bill of Rights. When I was young I took it down and read it. I had no trouble understanding the words and it seem logical and as a "law of the land", I felt it was all that was required for an organized society. A couple pages and I have all the law I need to be a good citizen. I was taught and it was repeated many times that the Constitution was the "law of the land", except the events I noticed around me did not match up with what the Constitution said. I assumed that I was confused and there was something going on behind the scenes that I did not understand. I guessed law was a difficult topic requiring men in suits. My confusion was a puzzle that I put it away for later.

The first step to understand purpose of an event or incident is to first determine order. For an event to have purpose it cannot be haphazardly thrown together.

Here is one way to understand what I am talking about below is a picture of two objects. From a two dimensional perspective the object appear placed at random. It does not appear like there is any order. Simply because one perceives no order it does not mean that order does not exist!

Picture 1

When one changes their perspective it can alter one's perception. To see the truth in the order, of the figure above one needs to view the same objects as they really are. Below are the same objects as they really appear:

Picture 2

One can easily see that these objects are on a line and are symmetric. The appearance of randomness in the first picture is due to a narrow view with the wrong perspective. In the second picture it is easy to see order and see the symmetry and one realizes the first picture is an image of the same objects as viewed from the front slightly down to the right. Why is this important? Well all around us are objects and events that appear random and haphazard. That does not mean they are random and haphazard. Perhaps by viewing them in fourth dimension the order is obvious. Only problem is we cannot see things in four dimensions. We assume three dimensions are all there is because we cannot alter our perception to see the order. For example the prime numbers, as they occur, in the set of real numbers appears completely random and haphazard. It does not mean they are. Perhaps, if we were able to change our perceptions it would be clear that they appear in regular predictable order. Mathematicians have been trying to crack that order ever since prime numbers were discovered with no success. If they honestly thought there was no pattern they would have given up long ago.

I recognized that my senses were not going to be sufficient to prove to myself that there was something odd operating outside to physics so I simply put that question away for more information later.

I decided that if I was going discover the mechanism, which for the purposes of this discussion I will label Ø, that I would have to take drastic measures and conduct some rather heinous but rigorous experimentation.

I made a number of assumptions about Ø:

1. Ø is perfect. Many hold this view.
2. Ø is omnipotent. Ø has no limitation in capability.
3. Ø is logical. If Ø is perfect then Ø is logical. It is the leftover exististentialist logic.
4. Ø does not engage in superfluous activity. It is not logical to waste effort. All effort has a purpose.
5. If religion were able to discover the purpose then they would have done so a long time ago.
6. If we were indeed the creation of Ø then Ø would show compassion, as it is not logical that Ø creates a being only to allow it to be destroyed or to allow it to destroy itself. That would be superfluous and therefore not logical.

I knew I was confused by what I saw around me. The world looked like a harsh place and I was at the whim of luck and probability.

As an aside I want to take-out an ignorant enigma that's only purpose is to confuse the hapless stooges. We have all heard this before:

If Ø is all-powerful then can he/she create a rock that he/she cannot lift?

Perfection trumps omnipotence. More accurately:

Would Ø create a rock that he/she could not lift?

The answer is no because to create an unmovable obstacle is illogical. Only an idiot human being carelessly ignores truth and fact to construct monstrosities of illogic. Second only human beings apply linear logic in this case. We do not think in multiple states where two sides can both exist simultaneously. Quantum mechanics is only now breaking into this territory.

How do I to reveal Ø? Well perhaps if I were "bad" enough he would take an interest and correct me. Instead of trying to prove that Ø existed. I was going to prove that Ø did not exist. Therefore as long as I felt no guilt and I was not caught or confronted then there should not be negative consequences for my behavior. I knew the difference between good and bad I would chose bad and would note the effects. My evil had limits. First there would be no killing or stealing. I would try, whenever possible, to not seriously impact the life of a human being in a permanent way.

So with an enthusiastic "F__K GOD!" I was now a scientist. Let's try alcohol; let's try immoral excess; let's try Satanism.

To make a long story short I lost my conscience. I entered an emotional state where the only emotions left were anger and frustration. I cared not who I hurt and I did not care what people thought. I would lie and in my devilish charismatic way and did what I had to do to survive. By the time 1985 rolled around I had amassed an enormous amount of evidence that bad behavior, where I was not caught, had negative consequences. It resulted in extremely "bad luck" and a continual hemorrhage of assets and energy. The worst part was early on; the experiment went out of control along with it my clinical objectivity. I was stuck. Ø did not bother enough to make an appearance. Yet everything in my life was bad. It appeared that Ø enjoyed punishing people for bad behavior. There was definitely something there that I could not perceive. I could easily see the cause and effect relationship but could not expose the mechanism. I had gone as far as I could and I was nearing the end.

I was miserable and at the end of my rope. My life and surroundings were what I described as a zoo where total chaos and bad luck ruled. I gave up and not just the experiment but just lay on my bed with no hope. I had not even been able to cry for years and all of this nonsense was, I thought, completely pointless. I really felt that I had been sucked into a dark vortex without the ability or energy left to get out. Time to pull the ripcord and bail out but I did not know how. I simply said "God help me." That was it. Now understand, I never thought it would get this far and I thought that I had completely given myself over to the dark side, which in my mind was religion. The second I uttered those words a vivid image entered my mind. It was a candle whose flame had burned out and the only light left was the small coal left burning at the end of the wick. We all know that the little red end does not stay burning for long. I knew in a second what that little glow was. Now, I had never had a vision or such a strong image appear in my mind before. The fact it coincided with the words "God help me" caused me to assume they were somehow related.

I had never seriously looked at any biblical teaching and the only time I set foot in a church was for a wedding. I really hated weddings so I really had no exposure, to what many people experience, that are of the religious persuasion. To me they appeared as hypocrites and confused and I felt I was opening a door to becoming one of them. At the time I did not know what had taken over me but I began singing a song that I did not know the words to. It lasted for about thirty minutes and at the end I actually felt sadness for the first time in a decade and cried.

It was the day before the Memorial Day weekend. The next night some friends and I went to the Salt River, east of Phoenix in the middle of the night. We got there at 2 in the morning. It was a beautiful night and just before dawn I found myself with two of my friends on a mountain overlooking the river. No sane man would be on this mountain. It was nearly a solid rock, which allowed the slopes to be extremely steep. It was covered with jumping cactus. When I say covered it looked like green fuzz. Every handhold and foothold was a gauntlet of poison spines. I said no sane person would climb it. My two friends were really "out there."

The striking part of the top was that as a result of it being such a formidable fortress the animals were not afraid of human beings. The mice and lizards were not concerned with our presence. I looked up at the sky just before the sun peeked over the horizon and again the candle image entered my mind. Then three more "concepts" were burned in, that again at the time, did not make sense. Many readers, as I did later, will make perfect sense of these "concepts". The first "concept" was an engine that always starts and never stops until it takes you home. The second image was a rocky mountain that never erodes where the cacti live and die over and over but the rock never changes. The next "concept" was a choice. I was to trust Ø and I would lose everything but I would be rescued or I would not make it down alive.

For me, in the place I was at, I wanted desperately to live. It is odd but giving up has never been an option. That instant the sun broke over the horizon. I was sitting on this rock that radiated warmth even though the sun had not had a chance to warm it. To further reinforce the experience a huge white bird flew over my shoulder, so close I could feel the wind. It startled me and I imagined the bird laughing as he looked back.

Yes, the choices were accurate and prophetic in their effect. I was forced once again to quit college. I lost my vehicle. I lost my possessions and I lost contact with all those people I thought were friends. I humbled myself and ask two of the most respectable guys I knew if I could stay with them. I spent my last $30 dollars on a Schwinn racing bike. To this date it was the best $30 dollar investment I ever made. I quit drinking and cleaned myself up. I was still a Satanist and I still harbored deep reservations about organized religion. I walked into a store, the first place I tried, and landed a decent job. About a month later I found myself at a co-worker's house and his cousin was what I deemed a "Jesus Freak" at the time. We got into an argument and in a fit of anger she hurled a book from the back bedroom that literally hit me in the forehead. It was a curve around the doorframe that no major league pitcher could equal. The book was a King James Version of the Bible. Again I was a little surprised by the incident. As a Satanist I was not going to let the "Jesus Freaks" quote scripture and get the better of me. Employing the axiom: "know thy enemy", I was going to read this Bible cover-to-cover and expose the fallacies. I would then be in the position of scripturally mopping the floor with their "Jesus Freak" behinds.

It took about 6 months and I read it cover-to-cover, even the boring lineage stuff. I was driven. Reading the Bible this way gave me a unique perspective that jumping around cannot provide. What struck me was the Israelites had no apparent reason for continually turning away from Ø. Ø had manifested physically and still they turned away. They did it over and over again and were not learning their lesson. I read the New Testament and paid close attention to the words of Jesus and noticed some odd inconsistencies with how he described himself and how he described the church and what the church had actually become. I was confused about this question and it was a project that I left on the back burner for more information.

I fell in love with a beautiful woman who was the "archenemy", a "Jesus Freak". It was not bad because by then I had completed the Bible and if she indeed was following his words then she might be deluded but I could let that all slide. Soon I was dragged kicking and screaming to my salvation and baptism in a backyard pool. The experience was profound and the change in me was drastic. I put all my energy into it and got involved in the church. Being involved with the church was a new experience. They were Evangelical and very animated. I had more "interesting" experiences and had a high level of faith. I got a perceptive glimpse of Ø and felt really good.

It did not take long before things started going wrong. The other members were prone to the worst lascivious behavior and seemed alien to me. They seemed alien because they were false and so focused on money that it confused me even more. The great feeling tapered off and I fell into what I describe as a "post-grace funk". My girlfriend used the church as a wedge between us and I was heartbroken. I had enough personal evidence that there was indeed a Ø at work. If that was all there was then I felt the church did not know how or why the good feeling waned. In the end I asked Ø "Was that all there was? Why does it have to end? Is that all we are left with, a blind faith for the rest of our lives?" I packed it in went back to Colorado got a job found a wife and settled for a mundane American Dream existence. I did not even check in with Ø anymore. No need I felt, and the only loose ends were those lingering questions surrounding my religious period. The church had no answers because if they did the world would be different.

I was doing OK. I had a nice job a good wife and sufficient diversion. One day I happened on the end of a program that depicted the entire Waco tragedy from a different perspective. It appeared on HBO and it was called "Waco: Rules of Engagement". Up until that time I had bought into the media perspective that Vernon Howell (David Koresh) was a religious kook bamboozling his followers into lascivious sex, illegal weapon sales and anti-American propaganda. Here was a different perspective presented and it piqued my curiosity. I had this strong impulse to look up when the program would come on again and I would be ready to record it. I did this because I felt that those in my family were as confused as I was about this whole affair, its importance and I wanted a record.

After watching the whole thing I came to the following conclusions:

1. Vernon Howell and his followers were simply disposed of.
2. The Government had no intention of allowing them to speak freely to the press.
3. The entire event was a blatant and important crime committed against the people of the United States.
4. The Government had no intention, like the Kennedy assassinations, to allow what really happened to escape into the public domain.

The thing that really struck me was the callousness exhibited by most of those conducting the hearings. Evidence and questions that in my mind raised sufficient alarm were flippantly disregarded. However, there was one Representative that was deeply and emotionally moved. One could easily see on his face that he was frustrated at the proceedings. At times he was crying. That man I identified as something different from the others and I could see in him the same incredulity. A taint then darkened my perception of my country and Government, as I am sure it affected him the same way. He was one of the few people that would not let the issue die and continually called for a re-opening of the investigation until his suspicious death. It is only my opinion but I feel strongly that his "accident" was a criminal act to silence him. His name was Sonny Bono.

What had happened to me? I was just fine but suddenly my world had changed from a law-abiding place to some perverted bad dream. Many of the things I found troubling welled up and I no longer attributed them to happenstance and incompetence. My Government had lost its way somehow and I felt as a concerned and patriotic American that I had a responsibility to bring it to the attention of my Senator. So I wrote a letter to my Senator listing those things that I had a problem with I said:

1. The courts, by way of frivolous lawsuits and double jeopardy, were seriously undermining the faith in our justice system
2. If one were to devise a way to destroy education it would not be better then the destruction currently occurring.
3. I accused our President of treason by being party and complicit in allowing our sensitive nuclear and ballistic missile technology to fall into the hands of our enemies.
4. I stated the Bill of Rights had been all but burned in front of the eyes of the American People.
5. America's schizophrenic foreign policy has given kooks and goofballs the perverted moral authority to attack us.
6. Law enforcement has crossed the line from protector to oppressor and their incompetence would not allow them to protect us from those radical elements.

At the end of the letter I stated that I had no doubt that my letter, along with all my previous letters, would end up at the bottom of a Washington D.C. landfill. Sending the letter helped a bit, as I was able to vent some of my frustration. I had all but forgotten about it and apparently this letter was different and had not been tossed out like an empty gum wrapper. How did I know? Two Secret Service men met me at my front door. They arrived in a black Suburban. They had black suits and black sunglasses. I laughed to myself at the trite banal nature of their attire and thought I might ask them where their strange ear thingies were. I did not get the chance the first words out of their mouth were:

"You understand that due process does not apply here?"

I had an experience of the camera zooming in as it was pulled back. Time went slowly and I had a moment of clarity as a number of troubling thoughts were thrust in my brain like so many darts. The first was that they were wiping their butts with the Constitution right in front of my eyes. If I thought my world had turned upside-down before then I was simply at Disneyland on a cloudy day. I was now in the clutches of a hateful steel machine. I could only think about how to save myself. I knew that if I answered, "No, I want to speak to my lawyer." that I would end up in a concrete box eating rice and cockroaches. They were human after all, at least they looked human, "let's try talking to them." I thought, "yes, I understand". The question they asked and my answer would occupy my thoughts for seven years. I was grilled and told that my mail would be monitored and I would be under surveillance. When they left it was no relief and the loss of my privacy was the least of my worries. I began having trouble opening bank accounts, qualifying for loans, banks began charging punitive penalties and changing their policies in order to extract the maximum damage. Checks to creditors were being "lost in the mail" over and over. I was forced from my job. I say forced because for nearly six months I was force to carry a beeper and would be called to work all through the night. The times I was allowed more then three continuous hours of sleep were rare. Most nights I would be paged every hour. It affected my health and as the company did not see the need to give me a break, I quit.

I had a mortgage and the money I was making ensured that my existence amounted to nothing more then house arrest. The problem that it caused in my family was tremendous. I was completely ostracized and alienated. I had the feeling that I would get another visit and they might offer me the same deal that Lee Harvey Oswald received. I was now angry. The worst part was I was able to see the abuses that the world was heaping on people. The delusion had faded. I knew I was confused. I threw my hands in the air and asked Ø, "how can they do that and what gives them the right?" I did not know this at the time but it was one of the questions that the Universe would answer later.

I worked hard, I was now an honest citizen after my conversion, I paid my taxes and I tried to do the right thing. I never consented to this. The American Dream was a sham. The only difference between me and the other sheep was I knew they were watching me. I had concluded that in America we only "feel" safe and "feel" free. We are slaves to some shadowy evil behemoth that is trampling us under its clawed feet.

I noticed that no one around me could understand what I was talking about. Not only did they not understand but also I became a "kook", conspiracy theorist or my worst fear un-American. Having an above average command of the language and considerable charisma I could in no way ease the blind into the truth of what was going on. Otherwise intelligent people could not grasp it or refused to hear me out. After years of no success I stopped talking about it.

My urgency to speak the truth was renewed when 911 occurred. Initially I bought the company line lock-stock and barrel. The "kooks" I spoke of in my letter had vindicated me, at least in my mind. My letter was prophetic. It did not take long for me to start seeing the rash of inconsistencies of the official line coming from Washington and the media. Again I tried to explain to other that something was fishy and criminals were at work. I did not know who was responsible but I knew what I was hearing was complete nonsense and illogic.

I came to the conclusion that either was I insane or the tidbits of evidence were introduced simply to confuse or were the people were not "permitted" to understand. Every news organization in America called it wake-up call, but no one was waking up. Could the population of the US be under mass-hypnotic suggestion? Having lived through the age of the Symbionese Liberation Army and Patricia Hearst Affair, Charles Manson and Jim Jones I felt that it was distinctly possible that people were being mesmerized by something? What was the mechanism? Was it in the food, a result of the mantra-like repeating of the same phrase in news programs over and over or some exotic electromagnetic wave broadcast to alter brainwaves? The biggest question in my mind was why was I not affected. How was I different? What had happened to me to make me "wake-up" I am reminded of the Tex character in George Lucas's "THX 1138" and how all his problems started when he went off of his medication. I realize ignorance is bliss but even if I wanted to it was more important to know the truth then to be happy.

For instance, in the case of the Oklahoma City Bombing, it was moronically obvious to me that it was contrived. Tim McVey was blamed like a modern day Oswald. He was denied media contact. Multiple bombs found in the immediate aftermath and strangely that news vanished suddenly. It was obvious how the entire scenario played perfectly into the hands of the Government and allowed them to suppress the spreading militant dissent. Even I know Congress moves like a glacier. How could they have enacted all the new draconian legislation if they had not had it prepared beforehand?

Another example was the Reginald Denny video showing rioters assault him and dance after the fact. How could a thinking person acquit the perpetrators in the face of conclusive contrary evidence? It was not the issues that concerned me as much as the way people behaved when caught up in it.

I concluded that my anatomy was not sufficiently different from everyone else. My intellect is above average but not exceptional. My diet was no different. I drank the water. I watched the same programs and read the same magazines and newspapers. I did not wear a tinfoil hat. Science and the Government may have power but any man-made mechanism would be obvious, if one were paying attention, and it would have the same effect on me as anyone else. What was the mechanism? I felt like a single lemming at the precipice stopping and asking, "Is this right?" only to be caught in the throng on the way to their demise.

I was aware of hypnotic suggestion and noticed the similarity with what was occurring. The "victims" would swear the hypnotist was not post-hypnotically controlling them, that is, until they saw the video. I wondered of the purpose of that interface into a person's mind and what was the mechanism that could manipulate people like robots. Whatever the mechanism here was proof that a persons thoughts and actions could be manipulated outside of their conscious control and against their will but I was doubtful that it was an organized man-made device. Was it aliens? Funny thing is I have never seen an object in the sky that could not be attributed to either natural or man-made origins. I looked. I believed that there was a good chance that we are not the only intelligent beings in the universe. I also knew that some organism had to be first and the real chance exists, however remote, that we are the first. How were people's perceptions being "managed" and what was the mechanism? Would Ø do that? It again, would not serve Ø's purpose. Why would Ø allow people to remain at the mercy of their delusions? It is not logical.

After 911 I was convinced that the media was purposely obfuscating the truth about, not only important questions but also mundane questions. Those self-purported purveyor's of the truth like Rush Limbaugh and other media icons seemed hollow. Although they may be bringing a new perspective they were guilty of a more heinous crime. On both sides of the political and ideological spectrum they were diffusing anger and confusion. Anger I felt was needed to affect tangible change. Callers would call angry over an issue and those listening would agree. The host would also agree and validate their anger and tell them the best way to understand it. Both the caller and the listener were left thinking that something was actually being done about the problem when in truth this parade of abusive atrocities were simply being exploited for profit and in the end the anger over it was being systematically diffused and forgotten.

I had concluded that Democrat and Republican were two sides of the wrong coin and neither was really addressing key problems. While the public keeps returning the same empty suits to office we will continue down the road of oblivion.

After 911 the IT industry in my area had taken a beating and for some curious reason I could not even land a low paying job. I initially attributed that to Government meddling. I decided I would alter my résumé to allow for international opportunities. During this time and to this day I began searching the Internet for alternative news sources. Most of it was as contrived and programmed as the mainstream media. There were a few regular stories that made it through the nonsense. However what I discovered was more and unnerving and my outlook turned dismal.

Very nearly the same day I got a call from a State Senator asking if I would be interested in a development position in Hong Kong. As it was my only option I jumped at the chance. To make a long story short it was a learning experience on what not to do in development. It was lesson that, fortunately, I had learned many times before. The experience was valuable in that it got me away from the barrage of US media propaganda and I took about a year off and was able to apply thought to the many questions that were building up.

The Internet only brought more and more dismal news. It was weighing heavy on me and was taking its toll. I had my résumé out again but I was not even receiving the customary "got your résumé now take off". This was odd. Again I had the feeling I was being blacklisted but I could not believe that those in control would be able to keep me from employment. They just are not that smooth.

My situation was becoming desperate. I was quickly running out of money. I had no job prospects. My visa was due to expire in two months and I was going to be an illegal immigrant in a country that takes crime and punishment very seriously. My wife did not want to return to the US. I spent my days walking the dog and thinking and my nights reading more and more disturbing news.

I want to take some time to explain my relationship with my dog. She is a medium-sized mutt mix of Labrador and Husky. How we came to own her is important and later I would understand the importance of her entering my life.

One day before we had moved to Hong Kong. I got an idea in my head that I would like to own a dog and I spoke to my wife about it and she agreed because she had the same "feeling". The unusual part about it was I knew we would find her at the Denver Dumb Friends League and we would know her when we saw her. I literally told my wife that a dog has chosen to enter our lives. Most would think it was eccentric, to say the least, but strong was my feeling about it. The first two times we went we both knew before we got there that we would not find her. We knew it was a female and she would not be a little dog. I did not "want" a large dog so she would be medium-sized. Two times we left without finding "our" dog. A few weeks later out-of-the-blue a thought popped in my mind and I told my wife, "she's there!" How I knew it I could not explain at the time. We went to the Denver Dumb Friends League. We walked through and immediately knew which dog she was and we left with her. I had forgotten this experience only to remember it later.

Koda is smart and very well behaved. The important thing was that she loves me and trusts me without condition and I loved her and trusted her without condition. For example we need not close the gate to the yard. She does not leave. She would go in the front yard but not leave. We never had to teach her. She intuitively could read us and at first it was rather unsettling. The other more inconvenient aspect of her personality is if she is away from my wife and I for any period longer then a few hours she will die. We know this because we left for a week and when we returned she was on the edge of death. She had not eaten or drank water in a week. My sister and stepson were at a complete loss. It took a week of intensive hospitalization to restore her. We have not left her since. One of us was always in her presence and that was the reason she ended up in Hong Kong.

Let us return back to my dismal situation. Time had run out. I had a month left. There was no rent money. My life had become an hourglass. My choices had disappeared one by one until I had no options left. I could do nothing except walk the dog and waste time on the couch reading the daily atrocity trapped in the neck of an hourglass. I was beyond depression. I was supposed to do something but what?

My entire life has been the collection of what I thought was unrelated and trivial bits of information, obtuse lessons and paradoxical questions sprinkled with illogic and purposelessness. I did not realize it but the pieces were intricate components that were procured machined and were being assembled for a huge bomb. All the while the pressure and power throughout my life had been building and within 12 hours I would not be the same. I was completely oblivious to what was occurring as I simply wandered around Hong Kong with my wife and dog confused and trapped by my existence. I was a slave at the mercy of a cruel world and now I had no power or time to save myself.

In the final months before detonation I had watched the videos on Google of "The Money Masters" and "The Light Bringers". These documentaries removed the last vestiges of hope when coupled with the fact that labor camps in the US are already complete and all that is needed is for the President to manufacture an atrocity of sufficient trauma to declare a state of emergency. Additionally, the fact that there are ample stories, in intellectual circles, of the most effective way of brutally disposing of all but 500 million of us left me with no hope. The Government is simply a criminal cartel and we are simply slaves. A situation I never signed up for. If this is all new information to the reader then there are huge gaps in the reader's education. Against popular consensus understand that "ignorance is painful." and it is incumbent upon each of us to know what is happening around us.

The week leading up to the final day of the old me, July 3rd, I was watching Michael Badnarick's "Introduction to The Constitution" and reading the "Global Sovereign's Handbook" written by Johnny Liberty. I had watched the National Geographic presentation on the "Gospel of Judas". I realized then that the church was off the reservation and was as confused as the rest of us. All of this was semantic trivia and was not in anyway going to deliver me from my situation. With the concept of sovereignty spinning around in my head I took the dog out for our evening "getting of the mice".

I was at the end of my rope and beyond hopelessness. I was not about to kill myself and give Ø or the Government the satisfaction of driving me into the ground. I looked at my dog and it struck me how she loved and trusted me without condition. I was her benefactor and I could not harm her if I wanted to. I would guide her when there were dangers she did not understand, because after all, she is only a dog.

Unconditional trust was in my mind and up at the sky and said, "Ø, I am going to place my unconditional love and trust in you. I will trust that you are merciful and will not let me down. I want the wisdom to know and understand the truth and while you are at it could you give me a job."

The sky did not part. There was no booming voice. Not even any kind of sign or a "concept" implanted in my mind. Ø had once again become an abstract powerless concept. I cried a bit in hopelessness and walked back to the flat. I plopped myself on the couch and little did I know the last few bomb components would be put in place that night.

Here is a partial list of the elements that all came together to form the "Truth Bomb" and led to the transformation.

• The question "You understand that due process does not apply here".
• The events that led to the Secret Service asking the question.
• The forced blindness of all around me.
• The complete lack of options and total hopelessness of my individual situation and the runaway train the world has become.
• The confusion of the church and its inability to logically affect the situation.
• The criminality of world government.
• The looting of assets of the world and the impoverishment and murder of billions.
• The intimate special relationship that Jesus cultivated with Judas and the misunderstanding of the final law and concept Jesus shared Judas.
• The illogic of the Universe and the predicament that humankind finds themselves in.
• The curious behavior of subatomic matter behaving differently when observed.
• The idea of differing perception lending order to things "apparently" subject to chance.
• The holographic nature of our brains.
• The movie the Matrix and how things to the human beings were not as they thought they were.
• The interface of hypnosis.
• The reason that the "born again" experience waned.

In the evening of July 3rd and in the morning of July 4th the final components were installed and it left one last idea. The last puzzle pieces dealt with the concept of sovereignty. I still did not have a good definition of what sovereignty was. I finished up the few installments of "The Introduction to the Constitution" and learned about the common law, commercial law, criminal law, admiralty law and martial law. It seemed that the system that the Founding Fathers put in place was logical, just and afforded State sovereigns the maximum amount of freedom. One had to assert and reserve one's Constitutional rights to retain them. The remedy was the fact that those rights were guaranteed to State sovereigns and one had to declare that. They could not compel one to give up their rights but one could give them up voluntarily. When the Secret Service asked, "you understand that due process does not apply?" I was compelled to give them up. I learned the important lessons regarding commercial law and natural law.

1. The created is never more powerful then its creator. Ø created the people of the States (We the People). Ø grants us unalienable rights that we delegate to our creation: the Government. If that was the case how can they legally do what they are doing?.
2. We the People have an unlimited right to contract. That means we can make our own deals.
3. Our word is our bond. Ø hold us to our word. If we break our word then we can be punished through the courts.
4. If one asks permission then it is assumed we need permission.

It all sounded reasonable but that did not explain how the Government was legally depriving citizens of their Constitutional rights. What was I mis

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