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10) Congressman Kucinich is the only presidential candidate with a comprehensive plan to get all U.S. troops out of Iraq in less than two weeks by using a secret fleet of UFOs based at Roswell.
9) Kucinich’s plan to use his friend Shirley MacLaine to interrogate al-Qaeda suspects telepathically is sure to result in better intelligence than the Bush administration ever got.
8) With the pint-sized Kucinich, we’ll finally have a politician who sides with the little guy.
7) Kucinich’s pledge to name Mr. Spock as his running mate is just what our solar system needs after having Darth Vader reining as VP for eight years.
6) Kucinich’s comprehensive immigration plan will allow extra-terrestrials to apply for a driver’s license.
5) After eight years of Bush as a wartime president it’s about time we had a space cadet as commander-in-chief.
4) Kucinich’s proposal to rename the Defense Department the Peace Department is an idea that’s light years ahead of its time. And so is his idea to rename Air Force One the Starship Enterprise.
3) Kucinich’s plan to reorganize the U.S. Military into a new Starfleet Academy is sure to boost enlistment.
2) It’s about time we had a president who’ll think more about colonizing outer space than the Middle East.
1) Kucinich really is the candidate with the best ideas and values to be president (Unfortunately, the joke here is on Americans who’ll probably end up voting for a candidate as synthetic and artificial as a loaf of Wonder Bread – i.e., Mitt Romney or Hillary Clinton – rather than an authentic human being).
