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Gee, Hil, do I really have to go through this? Is it absolutely necessary? I can’t stand some upstart turnin’ us out like this, an’ now I’m supposed to travel around talkin’ him up?
Yeah, I guess that $10 million could be thought about as honoraria. God knows I’ve talked up some real turkey droppins for less. How about those Columbian speeches that Penn lined up for me, huh? Boy, oh, boy, that was a real stinker. I wonder if they’re gonna want their money back now we’re not goin’ to the Big Dance. Hmmm. Maybe you better make that ten point eight million, hon.
So, anyhow, how many speeches am I gonna hafta make for $10 million? You know my usual honorarium is two hundred grand, but I think I should kick in a fifty percent surcharge to support someone who didn’t lose to my wife in the primaries. Man, that’d still be more’n thirty speeches. Isn’t there some way I can jes give one speech for the whole ten million? I could blame it on the damn stagflation or the fallin’ dollar or sumthin’.
How ‘bout if I just talk him up from Virginia Beach or somethin’? You know I don’t wanna spend all summer chasin’ around on the campaign trail. It’s not like we’re gonna get anything out of it. Who does this fella think he is, anyhow? I’m a President! He’s not a President! He’s jes’ a wannabe President! I should be able to jes’ tell him what’s what and then we can campaign for us, I mean you. An’ against McCain? Whoa Nellie! They’d give ya two terms right off the bat! Hell, just give me some time with your women supporters an’, an’, what? Whatta ya mean you can’t trust me? I was jes’ talkin’ about a speech!
Boy, howdy! Oh, okay, I’ll do it for the money, cuz that’s the only way to get my heart in it. Hey, whatta ya think? Could this be a way to raise up my honoraria for good an’ all? You know, I could say, “Hey, I made a speech for ten million, you should be glad to get away for only two!” Yeah, you know, I think that might just work...
