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"How do you plead," asked the judge, "guilty or not guilty?""Guilty, but with an explanation, Your Honor," said the bank robber.
"Very well then," said the judge, "before we proceed, let's hear your explanation."
"I am opposed to bank robbery," said the bank robber. "I have always been opposed to bank robbery. I have never wanted to rob a bank. When I robbed the bank, I was going against my word, my principles, my duty, my responsibilities, and my conscience."
"So," said the judge, "are you saying that you regret robbing the bank, are feeling remorse, and wish to make restitution?"
"Not at all," said the bank robber. "I am saying that I robbed the bank voluntarily, consciously, and of my own free will, but that since I am morally opposed to robbing banks, I think that the court should take that into consideration and exonerate me so that I can continue to oppose bank robbery when I rob more banks."
"I don't follow your reasoning," said the judge.
"It is very simple," responded the bank robber. "You see, Your Honor, there are many bank robbers out there who are not at all opposed to robbing banks and they are certainly more evil than I am. Unless you support a bank robber like myself, who is opposed to robbing banks, the only people robbing banks will be those who do not oppose robbing banks. Surely you wouldn't want that?"
"I think I understand the defendant's argument," said the judge. "You are saying that you do not regret what you did, that you intend to do it again if you are allowed to, but that since you are morally opposed to what you are doing, you feel that it is better to let you do the bank robberies than to allow people who are not morally opposed to bank robberies be the only ones who can rob the banks."
"Exactly," said the bank robber. "Given the nature of our society, every bank robber is going to rob banks, but only some of us are morally opposed to what we do and therefore worthy of your support."
"Understoood," said the judge. "I hereby find you guilty and sentence you to the maximum prison time the law allows. But I want you to know that I am morally opposed to my finding and do it only out of necessity and the requirements of the law, and that I know you will support my decision because another judge might have given you the same sentence without being morally opposed to what they were doing, in which case the judge would have been, at least in your views, much more evil than I am. I'm sure that you wouldn't have wanted to be sentenced by a judge like that. Next case, please."
