The Happy Gitmo Guy. Photo Liberals Don't Want You To See.

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Abdul sends greetings. Sitting on a bunk with a bucket of frozen glop is the best experience a terrorist can have. Stucco blocks have been retrofitted, except for green mold, to remind Abdul of his alabaster-like home in Kabul.

The food bucket, for convenience, doubles as a Port-a-potty.

"No wonder they call it Honey Bucket Hotel!" Abdul beams. "Americans are ingenious!"

The only problem is, with happy terrorists like this, it might encourage more terrorism, a sort of Mujahidin Welfare Queen Syndrome, lining up for Gitmo soup.

The light bulb is hot," says Abdul, "but the halo highlights my hair. You see I am bleach brown, from the chlorine baths. In my country, the electricity goes out too much, but not here. I love the United States of Cuba. They are saying I might qualify for a Swedish passport. And yes, I did fly the first plane into the Twin Towers. But not the second one.

Asked about his health plan, Abdul pointed to the prostrate examination tool at his side. "How many Americans have that?" he said. "No wonder they say "walk softly and marry a big stick.'"

"My captors removed the capitalistic shag carpet from floor," he raved, "so my Nikes dry out better when I miss the bucket. That way, when it is cold, I do not freeze, and can close my jaw.

When asked how he sleeps on an icy slab, Abdul said, through clenched teeth, "smiling."

Abdul's infectious smile could cast doubts on the effectiveness of such a cheerful and non-retributive incarceration. However, Dr. B.M. Nudd, known as the "Renaissance Man of Rendition, has set the standard, with his book, "Getting the Most out of your Gitmo". Dr. Nudd has created a theme park for anyone wishing to create his own private Gitmo, replete with dogs, towers, and Constantine wire.

"Basically," Dr. Nudd explains, "the premise of Gitmo exists in all of us, incubating as a contagious bacillus, and morphing into a shrunken, psychotic, creepy-looking, dwarfish creature, known as a "Git'em' that frolics in feces. This is good. It allows Americans to express unmitigated hatred of anything rational. Essentially, we all become evil little elves...a refreshing break from the rigors of the Constitution.

"Even better, the focus is safely off our beloved shore. Thus, terrorists are easily dissembled, a perpetual pogrom of unindicted, untried, and unlikely to be assumed innocent...inductees into the rusty jaws of that Old Time Religion, the Wrathful Little Lambs, that thirst for buckets of blood, and Judeo Christian Justice."

Through his courageous convictions, Nudd's keen insights have captured many converts, evident in the face of the Happy Gitmo Guy.

"Sank you Amerikans!"--he seems to say--"I luff you all!"