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Chapter One
Verse 1: Behold a vision I, Jo-Jo the Apostle of the ascended Reagan, witnessed in my dwelling in the holy land of North Carolina.
Verse 2: And the three prophets appeareth before me, blessed be O'Reilly, Hannity and Beck. And they toldth me great truths in the miracle of what is known as Cable News.
Verse 3: And I heard a frightful choir chanting the dreadful soundtrack mix of The Exorcist and The Omen, and I was sore afraid.
Verse 4: And the voice of O'Reilly causeth the walls to shake. "See, Jo-Jo, all these things that will come!"
Verse 5: And in his eyes and from his mouth cameth Genocide with the name OBAMA.
Verse 6: And the voice of Hannity, so familiar, like the sound of many oboe reeds freshly moistened with spit, causeth the windows to rattle.
Verse 7: And in his eyes and from his mouth cameth the vision and wails of the millions dying at the hands of legions of OBAMA witch doctors-the organs of the young harvested for the rich and the cadavers of the old shipped to Oscar(Soto)Mayor to be made into OBAMA wieners.
Verse 8: And the voice of Beck, like that of the sacred cuckoo, causeth my ears to ring and my mind to quiver like Jello.
Verse 9: And in his huge eyes and from his forked-tongued mouth cameth the billion cries of the hungry, begging in vain for the OBAMA to feed them, and all are left to eateth each other. First they ateth the babies. Then, because the young were all shipped to harvest in the Orient, the gays and the lesbians and transgendered, led by the demon Chastity Bono, stormed the fortresses of Oscar(Soto)Mayor and feasted on the flabby and wrinkly wieners until chronic diarrhea didst explode their bowels.
Chapter Two
Verse 1: All the voices and the visions and the soundtrack mix of The Exorcist and The Omen droveth me to mine knees. I beggeth the prophets to remove their revelations from mine eyes and ears.
Verse 2: "Now, go forth and herald all these things we have shown you," sayth O'Reilly.
Verse 3: "Warn the world," sayth Hannity.
Verse 4: "Stock up on beans to go with the wieners," sayth Beck.
Verse 5: And I covered mine eyes from the brilliant light that carried the three prophets up into the sky and into the blimp that flashed the legend: Fox News.
Verse 6: Therefore, I sayth onto you all these things are true, fair and balanced.
