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Who'd a thunk it? We children of the 60's peace movement had it all wrong. "Make love, not war" wasn't the right motto. We should have gone for "Do you want fries with that?" instead.
Yup, it seems that Army recruiters are upset they're having to turn away "supersized" applicants. They report that almost 50,000 potential recruits were rejected over the past four years because they were overweight or obese. Now, the head of the Army Recruiting Command is considering launching a "fat camp", a diet and fitness "school", to help wannabe soldiers "take it off" and meet Army standards for enlistment.
Frankly, I think the Army is on to something. Obesity has become epidemic in the US-and it may be the only weapon we really have against the manipulations and aggression of the military industrial complex in its push for ongoing war and Western imperialism.
How? Well, if the 80% of the US population opposed to today's wars becomes too heavy to fight, the military will quickly run out of soldiers able to meet the physical demands of service. Our Armed Forces will have to hang up their "covers" and come home. And, if we add a few extra calories to the catered meals of our elected officials, we might be able to redirect their vices from avarice to sloth. Think how much saner our foreign policies would be if our leaders argued about gourmet meals rather than occupied territories.
But what of Third World countries, where the standard of living can be diplomatically described as "starvation"? Would we not then be vulnerable to attacks from their thin and fit emaciated youth? Well, we do have a sizable defense budget--we simply need to shift more of it from "guns" to "butter". High-fat, high-calorie foods are all many with low-incomes can afford, so let's ship low-cost snacks to our starving neighbors and they too can share in the joys of plenty. Of poundage. If we're all obese, no one's going to want to get off their fat...couches to pick up a weapon.
Didn't your mother always tell you to "eat, eat"? Clean your plate--it's your duty. To your country, to its people. Who knew that fast food and trans fats might someday hold the key to world peace?
