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To be a Republican today you should believe in the following:1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
(typically misspelled as Hillery). 2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan
armed him 3. a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, 4. a good guy
when Cheney did business with him 5. and a bad guy when Bush needed a
"we can't find Bin Laden" diversion. 6. Trade with Cuba is wrong because
the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a
spirit of international harmony. 7. The United States should get out of
the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N.
resolutions against Iraq. 9. A woman can't be trusted with decisions
about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind without regulation. 10. The best way to improve
military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing
veterans' benefits and combat pay.
11. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. 12.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money. 13. Providing health care to all
Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is
socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the
public at heart. 14. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are
junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. 15. A
president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense,
but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die
is solid defense policy. 16. Government should limit itself to the
powers named in the Constitution which include banning gay marriages and
censoring the Internet. 17. The public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our
business. 18. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless
you're a Conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our
prayers for your recovery. 19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of
vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
20. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to
be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS VOTE REPUBLICAN!
Received via email, author unknown.
