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The unfolding saga of Sarah Palin has dominated more of my life in the past few days than I would care to admit.
I've been enthralled with the controversy and I still haven't been convinced that the admitted pregnancy of 17 year old Bristol Palin isn't her SECOND child.
In fact, I would not be surprised to learn of a "tragic miscarriage" sometime after the publicity has died down!
That being said, I began to ponder Bristol's life with this self-proclaimed "fucking redneck" who will "kick your ass" if you "fuck with me" (apologies for the expletives but it's his language, not mine)
Yep. A truly fine young man to be living on my dime in the White House!
He "WON'T be there" you say?
Well, not on "day one" of course. He'll be in the VICE presidential mansion. You CERTAINLY don't expect this Jerry Springer socialite to actually get a JOB and SUPPORT his reluctant bride in Alaska,do you?
No, they'll take Bristol and this fine specimen of today's "no child left behind" school system to join the Young Republicans in Washington to mingle with the political elite. I'm certain he will be very impressive. Hell, it's been said that with HIS qualifications, he might be the next SURGEON GENERAL!
According to the Actuarial Life Tables, there's a one in six chance that Palin's 73 year old 'soulmate" John McCain will die in office, leaving the Palin clan running this country!
(Why did the vision of Anna Nicole Smith suddenly interrupt my train of thought?)
And the irony is that the "family values" crowd LOVES the idea! They wouldn't care if Palin was running a WHOREHOUSE in Alaska, as long as she promises to enact the death penalty for abortion and sell AK-47s at every local convenience store!
But NOW, I want to ponder a parallel universe. Suppose the young man Bristol met was not this Jeff Foxworthy wannabe? What if he was a bit older perhaps? Let's say a college professor. I've got a fun idea: just for the sake of argument, let's make him BLACK!
To continue our speculation, lets agree that Bristol falls head over heels in love with this guy, and secretly MARRIES him. (I wonder if the Palins proudly announce THIS to the world?)
This speculation is starting to get interesting! Let's mess with our all American Family Values clan a bit more! Let make this black man a FOREIGNER,(perhaps from Kenya?) How about if Bristol runs away to that country with him? Perhaps she enrolls the child in one of their schools?
Well, no story can go on without complications forever. After a couple of years, our heroine realizes that things are not working out. Her husband leaves and she returns home to Mama and Daddy Palin.
In this universe, Sarah Palin has no political aspirations. She is a "stay at home" mom. Let's even say for a stretch that she's a decent human being! (Yeah,right! I know. Please stay with me a bit more!)
The Palins have gotten over the initial shock and decide to help raise Bristol's baby the correct way. They get up early and help with his school lessons. They teach the lad the value of honesty and hard work. They ignore the occasional racial taunts from the neighbors, knowing that behind their back, the entire community is talking about the white girl with the black baby.
The child excels in school and church. He becomes a born again believer in Jesus Christ. Eventually he gets into Harvard where he does extremely well. When he graduates, he turns down high paying jobs and comes back to his family, determined to give back to the community. The Palin family is very proud of his accomplishments, and rightly so.
Since we are talking about parallel universes, Our new hero also decides to run for the White house. There's a problem, however. No black man has ever successfully done that. His mother, her family and friends have long since gotten over the fact that he had a black father and they love him very much.
Unfortunately his opponents in the political world (many in the "Family Values" crowd) see a chance to exploit the inherent racism in our country.
They track down his long lost father and discover that he is a Muslim. They make accusations that this great candidate is not patriotic or even that he's an outright terrorist! Many even use the "N" word! They scour the sermons of his church, blaming him for misrepresented statements of his pastor.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
My alarm wakes me from this fantasy but, as I return to the real world, I ask myself:
: In THIS scenario, does Sarah Palin stand up and say "LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE!"?
And more importantly: In which universe (and under which president) do I want to live???
WAKE UP AMERICA!
