Hey, I have an even better idea -- let's turn the whole damned place into an amusement park. We can be theme park characters in our own country, kind of like a large-scale Williamsburg. We can smile and say hi to the visitors.
California can be Frontierland
Texas can be Adventureland
The original Thirteen Colonies can be Revolutionland!
We'll have a theme for every one. Then we can sell visits to our theme park at tons of money per visitor -- none of which we will receive, of course. We're just peons, you know. A bit like many of my ancestors were back in the UK. We'll have come full circle.