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One just can’t write stuff this good. Not here. Not in this part of Texas. So mark your calendars because these were among the first shots fired in the revolution to wake America from its slumber.Check these two stories out.
Pathetic? Yes. Prescient? What I can tell you is that when I first came to the world’s largest bedroom community in 1995, the morning traffic report featured a warning to commuters to avoid a goat that had somehow gotten away from its owner (read: had watched a steady stream of relatives disappear on Friday followed by Mexican BBQ’s on Saturday) and was wandering in the middle of a busy suburban thoroughfare.Then there was this morning, October 14th, 2008. A 62 year old librarian, no longer able to work full-time, shot and killed his 38 year old supervisor. Hot librarian on librarian violence at a local junior college before my AM meal. This can’t be happening in the same town where the abused and confused honored guest of a cabrito fiesta was found wandering aimlessly in the streets near a large enclave of Texas Aggies. Did the poor, doomed baahhhd boy actually prefer intimate relations with Aggies over being eaten alive? Couldn’t the adjunct librarian have held out a little longer, perhaps until his much younger competitor found the tantalizing aroma of either live, or cooked, goat too enticing to resist?But wait! There’s more!Those of you who’ve made a tradition out of viewing “Eating Raoul” during the holidays know this story well. Rich, dejected Cowboys fans gather together to commiserate their stunning losses (a quarterback AND an overtime game) to drink beers and have sex with each other’s wives. Disgusting.Out of the blue, a costumed marauder thrusts himself on the distracted crowd and tosses an electric heater into the hottub, turning the jaded broth of au jus into a robbery of biblical proportions.Alas, our ever-prepared and vigilant caped crusader could not find an electric heater, nor could he find any elicit activity for which he could seek to promote both his righteous indignation and his love for fine automobiles. When the unwitting victim, both drunk and stunned into disbelief, ventured upon insult, our anti-hero vowed revenge. In one shot, the disrespectful Texan was vanquished with a shot to the chest as our lone ninja disappeared back into the fog of class warfare.The storyline falls apart, however, because while this much bizarre violence in a single night is unusual for this town, both crimes took place on the same part of town where the lower middle class is fast finding itself squeezed from both directions: from the poor and from the more well to do.Somebody just broke wind over my AM meal today…it would have to be ClearChannel and the Mays Family that brought me the news.
