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Ron Paul, Jesse Ventura, Candidates, and All Free Men/Women, Please Support The Legalization of Dueling!

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Dueling Is Just What We All Need. A Return To The Days Of Yore, When Justice Was Meted Out By Sword And Pistol. Let Us Now Travel Back To Yester Year When Men Were Men And Women Were Men's. Ahh The Delight Of Honor Bound Combat One-On-One Mano-E-Mano! The Musketeers Ride Once Again And Gentlemen Rid The World Of Fascism And Avarice With The Reward Not 72 Virgins, But Certainly Lots Of Mistresses. Okay, you have me there, I want to legalize dueling! And here are the rules/restrictions

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HERE ARE THE RULES FOLKS!

They have dueling in Uruguay, right now, let's get with it today! Just think of all the fun you will have sword fighting and quick-drawing on the streets of Dodge City or Tombstone or downtown Chicago, but mostly in Washington DC!

No one who holds public office or who is at the Vice Presidential level or above of any corporation, or a member of any Board of directors of any corporation may challenge anyone who is not, but anyone who is not may challenge anyone who holds public office or who is at the Vice Presidential level or above of any corporation, or a member of any Board of directors of any corporation. No one making over $550,000 annually, may challenge anyone who makes less, but anyone who makes less may challenge anyone. Anyone who drinks latte' may be challenged by anyone who does not, but anyone who does not may not be challenged by anyone who does, or something like that... I think. Anyone who owns scented candles or plugins, uses pesticides or herbicides, or coats the driveways, may be challenged by anyone with a higher IQ than theirs, which is everyone else on the planet. Anyone who watches Fox News, should NOT be challenged, but merely cream pie faced on sight by any and everyone within pie throwing range. Have you ever found yourself on a high and lonely hill overlooking a lake or the ocean... or at least a decent sized puddle, and had no herring, or chives? If not, any and everyone within pie throwing range should also pieface you on sight. Regardless of health, any politician who made profits on oil or war goods stock may be challenged by anyone else. The winner of the duels shall be awarded by the government all the profits made by the politician on such stocks for each victory plus whatever bets they place. The person, who challenges, in all cases, chooses the weapons, which would be the thickest cream pies known to man. Anyone who turns down a duel who is a public figure, who is not in the arts, but who makes more than $350,000 a year, must resign from public office and may never in any way speak publicly or donate money to anyone or organization which supports politicians. No one may challenge anyone under the age of 21 or over the age of 55 years to a duel unless the person they challenge is an elected or appointed official. No one may challenge anyone who suffers from a serious illness or injury, or arthritis, but may challenge anyone in public office if the person they challenge has an offensively low IQ, evidenced by their having voted for or having been elected a fascist. Anyone may challenge anyone in Lobbying to a duel regardless of physical status or age, at any time; however, anyone in Lobbying may not challenge anyone except those in lobbying. However, no one may challenge anyone who is simply waiting in a lobby wearing chives in their ears. No one may have a substitute or body guard to duel for him or her. Any person, or smelt fisherman, who has never rubbed Herring Roe on their heads at high noon, while wearing underwear over their clothing, should be sprayed with garlic and olive oil and put on a pizza. Women may only challenge women, under the above restrictions, but not over the above restrictions, okay? And men may only challenge men, under or above the above restrictions. We have to have at least one gender-biased event here, don't we? The weapons are restricted to dueling pistols, single action, non-repeating revolvers in quick draw, or any of several swords, foils, epees, or other blades, and oatmeal-mush-throwing, under the Nipponese rules, but without raisons, and certainly no knives. Frequently, however, they must agree to a butting contest with goats. Those who have excelled in use of any of those weapons as amateurs or professionals, or with any other weapon in high school, college, the Olympics or other major events or sporting events, as amateur contestants or professionals in such sports, contests, or served as a coach or professor, or teacher in any of those weapons or any other weapons, may not challenge anyone to a duel, however such people may challenge each other. Any politician, who cheated on his or her spouse with a dog/a really ugly person, may not challenge anyone, and no one may challenge them to a duel, because they are obviously blind, and therefore handicapped. Anyone, who cheated on his or her spouse, which spouse is a b*tch, or jerk may not be challenged but may challenge anyone else. Anyone may challenge a fascist, Neo-con, Conservative, but a fascist, Neo-con, Conservative, may challenge no one. All duels will be widely advertised events held in Super big domed stadia and cable-cast world-wide. the ticket sales and advertising money will be used to fund health care. Winners will become national heroes. Now, here is the final requirement, for all who read this: You must read Raphael Sabatini' s book, or see the film with Stewart Granger, and Janet Leigh, SCARAMOUCH! Moreover, proceed in like manner once the above laws are enacted, I guarantee we will have no more fascists or thieves in public office, but what we will have is a severe growth of people with pie on their faces.

 

Professor Bagnolo has majored in: Cultural Anthropology, Architectural design, painting, creative writing. As a child prodigy, abed with polio for almost two years, he was offered an opportunity to skip three grades at age 8.
Later He was a (more...)
 
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 Tres jolie!Resurrect dueling.  Why not.... by Sandy Sand on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 8:06:57 AM
This would be the ultimate reality ticket show sel... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 8:22:53 AM
THAT IS WHY YOU ARE TAKING FENCING LESSONS! I LIKE... by Agatha Payne on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 9:29:30 AM
so I challenge you on the field of honour, meet me... by CasaZaza on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 9:49:33 AM
I once read a novel in which in some hypothetical ... by Mark Sashine on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 9:50:00 AM
I'd give it a whirl with Roman Short Swords...... by richard on Sunday, Apr 27, 2008 at 7:59:37 AM
Mark: Usually , duels were fought until first bloo... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 10:05:42 AM
You are on a comedic high.  Keep it up! [And ... by Sandy Sand on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 11:14:32 AM
the pistol duels were until  each participant... by Mark Sashine on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 12:18:25 PM
You are comparing (them) apples to pistols and I l... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 1:42:27 PM
and then poke their eye out.... by CasaZaza on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 3:43:52 PM
Many people are tongue tied, some are hamstrung an... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Friday, Apr 25, 2008 at 3:51:06 PM
It's not here. Must be in the black hole Marga... by Sandy Sand on Saturday, Apr 26, 2008 at 8:46:31 AM
For those of you who think that this is acceptable... by Scott on Saturday, Apr 26, 2008 at 12:12:07 PM
Coitus tu... Sessuali perspron... In Englaise': ... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Sunday, Apr 27, 2008 at 12:08:41 AM
Coitus Tu.... by Sandy Sand on Sunday, Apr 27, 2008 at 8:25:43 AM
Broad swords, with one hand tied to the other guy'... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Sunday, Apr 27, 2008 at 11:09:54 AM
MEA CLPA, MEA CLUPA, MEA MAXIMA CULPA: I am the gu... by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo on Sunday, Apr 27, 2008 at 11:14:55 AM
if I remembered what I said, or what i said it abo... by Sandy Sand on Sunday, Apr 27, 2008 at 5:48:29 PM