Presidential Aptitude Test:
Multiple-choice Questionnaire
The Presidential Aptitude Test Center is supplying you with an educational questionnaire to run by all Presidential candidates, if you can get through police lines to do so. Test registrant fees will be refunded for anyone who is billy-clubbed more than three times.
1. In making the first "presidential" decision of your campaign, choosing a Vice-President, you felt the most important factor was:
a. Deep experience in national and international policy
b. Total lack of experience in national and international policy (the "surprise, surprise!" factor)
c. Gender
d. Modeling "family values" by good and effective parenting
e. Solidifying your political base
f. Being ready to serve as President if necessary.
g. Sucking your thumb
2. The "central front" for efforts to reduce terrorism is: -
a. The Aleutian Islands between Alaska and Russia
b.The Afghan-Pakistan frontier
c. Iraq
d. Iran
e. The checkerboard of Israeli settlements and Palestinian towns and villages
f. Despair, humiliation, joblessness, and guns among male US citizens 18 to 23 years old.
3. The most urgent response to the danger of "global scorching" is -
a. Subsidizing Big Oil with billions, to buy ads explaining it's not a problem
b. Spending billions and hiring many thousands to build efficient, swift, on-time railroads and trolley lines
c. Spending billions to destroy coal-bearing mountains in West Virgina and build factories to "clean" the coal.
d. Tripling food prices and increasing CO2 in the atmosphere by burning corn instead of petroleum.
4. The best way to deal with Afghanistan is -
a. Spending billions to follow the example of the British and Soviet empires: permanent military occupation
b. Spending billions to invade Iraq
c. Spending billions to invade Iran
d. All of the above
e. Refusing on grounds of national security to answer this question until your seventh year as President
5. The best way to affirm religious freedom in the US is to -
a. Speak in as many churches and synagogues as possible but refuse to enter a mosque.
b. Insist that grants to religious institutions to do social work be conditioned on non-discrimination in hiring, etc.
c. Offer government grants to religious institutions without any discrimination whatsoever in regard to religious belief, basing grant amounts on the degree of their support for your policies.
d. Name a specific time for the beginning of life in utero
e. Say that naming a specific time for the beginning of life in utero is far beyond your religious understanding
f. Make your own religious beliefs a major part of your campaign
g. Make your own religious beliefs a major part of your campaign only if your opponent does.
6. The best way to deal with torture as an act of US policy is to -
a. Allocate all use of torture to the CIA only, and forbid it to the Army
b. Never torture prisoners when it is possible to send them to other countries to be tortured.
c. Change the name of the School of the Americas again, forbid SOAS to teach police forces of other governments how to torture, and authorize the new institute to do so.
d. Forbid the use of torture except on non-US citizens only.
e. Forbid the use of torture except on Muslims only.
f. Give US prison guards "encore careers" as torture trainers.
g. Enough already with half-measures: repeal the Constitutional requirement for habeas corpus, plus the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth & Eighth Amendments, and abrogate the Geneva Conventions.
h. Enough already with half-measures: stop all torture.
7. The best way to prevent nuclear proliferation is to -
a. Negotiate reductions in all nuclear stocks to no more than 20 bombs for any government, including the US.
b. Use nuclear bombs to obliterate any nation that will not agree.
Suggestions for adding to and correcting this questionnaire are welcome. Write Presidential Aptitude Test, % Awaskow@shalomctr.org
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