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December 2, 2006Osama Claus - A True Story
'Twas a month before Christmas and out on the mall
I saw Santa arrested for nothing at all
Whenever I am in Washington, DC one of my favorite things to do is to head down to the National Mall for a long, slow run between the Capitol Building and the Lincoln Memorial.
Dirt and gravel trails make it easy on the legs and in less than an hour, even a slower runner like myself can easily take in the most of the Smithsonian buildings, the Washington, Lincoln, Korean, Vietnam, and World War II monuments, the Library of Congress, the White House, and the National Botanical Gardens all of this in a park-like setting with reflecting pools, shade trees, and even drinking fountains along the way.
Those features alone should put the route right at the top of any recreational runner's list of memorable places to run. But last week, on an unseasonable warm afternoon as I strode slowly by the Smithsonian Castle near the National Mall Carousel the nature of that experience changed forever.
Three police cars and two policeman mounted on horses had Santa Claus surrounded and it was apparent from the crowd that had gathered to watch, he was in some serious trouble. Bedecked only in running shorts and his customary long, flowing hair and beard Santa was being detained by the DC police who had blocked the dirt trail where he stood amidst the flashing blue lights and skittish horses explaining to the officers that he'd simply been trying to squeeze in a little pre-Christmas exercise in preparation for the cookies and milk he would be ingesting in massive quantities in a few weeks.
The police were not buying any of it. Apparently they didn't believe that Santa Claus enjoyed running or that he would shed his red suit and black boots in public despite the 65 degree temperature.
Children on the carousel stared in disbelief. I thought I detected tears in their eyes and in the eyes of their parents as Santa plead his case to the skeptical and perhaps cynical men in blue. Didn't they believe anymore? How could they not see that this was Santa Claus, not some threat to the nation or the nation's capital?
I stood off to the side, sweat running down my face and arms suddenly aware that perhaps I, too, was suspect in my running shorts. An elf, perhaps? A Santa sympathizer?
As more and more people were drawn to the scene the police could sense the potential for trouble. They began to circle the wagons. Another car arrived and Santa was lead quickly to an open door and invited to sit in the back. Before he was whisked off, I could have sworn that I saw him pulling off his long white beard behind the tinted glass of the police cruiser and looking sadly at back at the stunned children who sat dejectedly on the colorful wooden horses.
And I heard him exclaim just before he was gone
I'm not a terrorist, I just wanted to run
A true story. I saw the police detain a man on the National Mall In Washington, DC on November 30, 2006 for running with fake Santa hair and a beard the author
