Most Dangerous Place in United States DiscoveredThis morning Wayne La Pierre, the head of the National Rifle Association, published an account in the Daily Caller of a dystopian area of Brooklyn, in the wake of superstorm Sandy, where "if you had to walk a long way for supplies and could not not get home during daylight hours, you might not get home at all."
When journalists looking for confirmation of the story pressed to find the exact location of these depredations they found them inside Mr. La Pierre's head. It seems that gangs of murderous, looting toughs were concealing themselves behind the incredibly large piles of garbage scattered around the interior of Mr. La Pierre's mind, and camoflaging themselves with the slime and filth that provided what passed for a floor in there. From time to time they would leap out threatening Mr. La Pierre to the point where he would nearly soil his concealed carry quick draw holster.
Authorities are concerned about the possibility of these spectral criminals escaping Mr. La Pierre's mind to find themselves at large on the street, but other experts that were consulted were confident that Mr. La Pierre had a thick enough skull to contain even the most vicious psychopaths. They are said to have based that assessment on the fact that Mr. La Pierre himself had not yet escaped his own head despite the flights of fancy that he consistently uses in attempting it.
In the meanwhile, authorities have warned Brooklynites to avoid taking the subway or surface transportation to anywhere near Mr. La Pierre's troubled mind.It is hoped that these criminals can be cleared out in time for Mr. La Pierre's expected delusional response to the President's State of the Union Address, but Senators Marco Rubio and Rand Paul were encouraging La Pierre's efforts in that regard since it could only make them look better by comparison.