Craziest dang thing.
I made fun of the mean dog at the end of the street, again, today? Only this time the thing jumped right over the fence and attacked me, just as he'd really attacked a few other people before.
Now I'm missing half my face and one of my legs. And I'm shocked, shocked, that this has happened. Who'd have thought?
Shame on that dog for messing me up! My right to offend him is clearly under attack.
Maybe we should ship all dogs back where they came from, wherever that is. Or make it a crime to have a dog that isn't a cute little pooch that wouldn't even hurt a chipmunk if it stole his bone.
What? What's that?
Why did I make fun of the dog if I knew it might jump over the fence and bite me...?
Um... well...
...
Because I could? Because freedom?
(Because I flipping hate dogs?)
I don't know, man. Why are you giving me the business? I'm the one who's suffering here. Look at my leg! Look at my face.
What, are you some kind of dog sympathizer? Don't you know dogs bite people? Isn't that's half of why people keep them around?
Oh, so I'm supposed to understand them? Is that it?
And what, I'm supposed to respect the fact that you just don't tease an angry dog if you don't want to get bitten?
What kind of crazy talk is that? I have a human right to walk up to the angriest dog I know and bark at them until... well...
Um...
Yeah, okay. Maybe that was dumb of me. But darn it, I have a right to be dumb. Why can't I be mean to dogs if I don't like them?
What? Consequences? Wow, next thing you know you'll be telling me I shouldn't be slapped if I grab some girl's butt out of the blue.
Whatever. You suck.
Man, why does freedom hurt so bad, sometimes.
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