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Oh, hey there, Karen. I'm just rounding up the Friday "dump" to the media to get the Sunday morning heat off this crazy bunch...
But it's only Monday!
I know, but I was just thinkin' . . . we've got the Downing Street Memo proving that Bush and Blair are traitors. I thought that sucker was dead, but now ol' Scary Kerry says he's gonna throw it up against the Senate wall next week . . . we've got the Amnesty Report that proves everybody on this side of the street -- from Bush and Cheney to Condi and Alberto to that sorry-ass Rumsfeld -- are war criminals . . . we've got new evidence that Bolton personally flew to Sweden to get a guy fired and that he shared top secret information with Israel . . .
What to do...what do to...what to do...???
I know! Get Woodward up here![1] We need something BIG! We can always depend on Woodward to either prop up Bush or cover up for Bush when we need him. Tell him to work up a story for Vanity Fair on that 91-year-old FBI guy -- you know, the one who was convicted and headed to prison for crimes during Watergate -- the one that senile old Reagan pardoned? Mark Felt -- Yeah -- that's the one!
Yep, Karen -- we've still got it -- Gimme Five! We are so damn good!
Everybody wins on this one! Felt's family gets a book and movie deal and lotsa bucks. Vanity Fair sells boo-coo copies of the magazine, and makes lotsa bucks. The Washington Post gets to hit the streets and talk shows long before the Vanity Fair article comes out, which will sell more papers and make lotsa bucks. Woodward and Bernstein, who've already made millions on this "Throat" deal, can rake in lotsa bucks with more books.
And nobody -- not even Bernstein -- will ever know that Deep Throat was just a ficticious character that Woodward made up because even anonymous sources had to have names back then...
And, come Sunday, it'll be just another day in the Hood...[2]
[1] Woodward was seen leaving the side entrance of the White House last week
[2] I'm not saying this actually happened, but if it DID, it would happen just this way...
