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I’m right, you’re wrong! I win, you lose! And some of us are off to Lalaland. . .
Most arguments, misunderstandings, and conflicts stem from the need to be correct, to continue and/or bolster our own views. Sometimes the differences are based in physical reality with death and destruction suspended from the outcomes. Sometimes arterial congestion and heartburn are the only results.
There are positives associated with these exchanges. Much learning and intellectual growth can occur. Language and logic constructs are practiced. Debate and rebuttal forms improve. For some, flawless propositions, support, and thought are skillfully structured. For some, caustic retorts are honed and gracefully thrust home. There is a skill to the exchange.
But this process strengthens fence building and divisions. Rarely do we begin our objections, our arguments, our rebuttals with an in-depth examination of our own position, our own prejudices, our own fallacies. Rarer still, is our embracing of the opponent’s views, the empathetic absorption of their truth.
There! “Opponent.” That is the point. Division is essential to argument. It requires an opponent, contention, more than one side.
Is “truth” objective or subjective? We behave as though “truth” were an external, universal absolute. Yet if this were so, how can we argue? But if we claim a subjective interpretation, then why do we need to move to an adversarial role. I’m right, I win. . .
If the rights and wrongs were easily understood, humanity might not support the divisions that separate each of us from others. Given that rights and wrongs are complicated, arguments that promote win/lose divisions are perpetuating our differences, our divisions.
I'm discovering that we will never move closer to resolving human differences by practicing the skills for refining and perfecting our differences.
Contention creates stress. On the other hand, if our goal is understanding, then by embracing someone’s view without prejudice but rather with empathy and understanding, we expand our own experience. We do not need to accept their reality as our own, but we can reduce our divisions and barriers. We can try to understand the reality that created and sustains their view.
I wish to wean myself from the “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality. This is my personal goal – catching myself when shifting a discussion to an argument. Recently I have tried to temper my responses and distance my reflexive, knee-jerk reaction. I’ve been questioning the usefulness of this behavior and instead have begun contemplating another approach that is not win/lose. I have my beliefs that I am willing to support, but not by “winning” or “losing” my humanity. I do not care to continue the “adversary” approach to this world.
I think I want to embarking on a journey... to Lalaland. My previous journeys with debate and rebutal have not brought me any closer to awareness and balance. And I am meeting other people who also are wanting more balance, wanting peace, wanting to start within themselves. Perhaps we can travel to Lalaland together.
In ending, I'd like to share Ester Sparks: we have come to bring you peace . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzJem7-UY3E&NR=1
If the link fails, copy and paste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzJem7-UY3E&NR=1
