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...of being eccentric. I guess I am. I don't follow the crowd. Instead, I see the direction they are going and decide I'd rather not go that way. I have always felt different, even as a young child. I would watch my fellow childhood peers torment another for no other reason than the fact that they were poor. I tried to make a difference and befriend that lonely child. It didn't matter to me that they were poor. So was I.
One one hand, it allowed me to sit back and watch, to see the cruelty of others and realize how wrong it was. Because of this I was standoffish, not wanting to join these cruel kids in their games of torture. This caused me to do poorly in school because it caused me to grow up alone.
One the other hand, it made me stronger. I once believed I was stupid,(hearing it so often from my father) until years later, I took an IQ test, the results showing that I had a very high intellect. That was a turning point for me. I began learning everything. I could watch someone do something and remember how it was done. Just once was all it took. It did more for my self esteem than any thing else in my life. It made me self sufficient. I taught myself how to sew, how to paint, to do home repairs, car repairs, cut my own hair and that of my family. I write poetry that wins awards, some of which may be seen here on this site) and have recently become more involved with politics.
My parents broke up while I was still very young. My father went off to start a new family, divorcing us along with my mother, who had to work long and hard (for the government) to support the three kids she'd been saddled with. She had never really wanted kids and we mostly raised ourselves. At least she hadn't given us over to the state. Still, I wonder if that might not have been better for us. Perhaps I (we) might have been adopted by a loving family, one that wouldn't have seen me as a remembrance of the man that had abandoned us. I've gotten over the fact that my mother didn't love me like my brothers( I looked like my father) . She's gone now, having past away from cancer a few years back. I no longer need to make excuses for her lack of love for me. I got over the hurt long ago realizing that if I needed love that much I needed to give it to myself, which is what I did...finally.
So now, here I am in an ailing body. I suffer from osteoporosis in my spine. March of '08 I broke a vertebrae while trying to lift a box. Two weeks later I suffered a heart attack from stress derived from the hateful landlady I rented a room from. Being on SSI I don't get enough money to actually rent my own place. Every day is a struggle. But, I face each day bravely. To show fear is not an option. It would be nice if the Government Bail Out would end up helping those of us living in abject poverty, like giving more money to HUD, instead of the fat cats on Wall Street. Alas, this isn't going to happen.
So, this is my message to you. Don't worry about attaining all the material things that society says you have to have. You can't take it with you. You'll get what you need. It comes to you if you have faith. Through the darkest times of my life I have found that this is when my Guardian Angle whispers to me..."Don't worry, everything's going to be all right." And, it has been and it will be again.
Have faith, things have a way of working out.
