OpEdNews - Diary: I Hope You Understand

People don't understand the depth of pain that is clinical depression. They don't understand why people kill themselves. Maybe this will help. I think my son, who completed suicide in 2007, helped me with this.

::::::::

Preston Glenn Marquard 6 May 1976 - 5 Jun 2007 by Joni Greever

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

I'm tired, so tired of living
Pretending all is well
No one seems to understand
My life's a living hell.

The pain you can't imagine
And there is no escape
It is gnawing, unrelenting
Sealing up my fate.

It feels like burning acid
Courses through my veins
Mocking, evil demons
Dance within my brain.

Sleep eludes me every nite
I dread each coming day
My soul is dying bit by bit
While others laugh and play.

Dark, haunting images
Are always at the fore
My reality is hopeless
I can't take it anymore.

People say they love me
But I know it isn't so
Anything worth loving
Left me long ago.

I am empty of emotions
I have no more to give
All searing, stabbing, choking pain
I've lost the will to live.

I wish I didn't have to go
I know you couldn't tell
The blackness that descended
Nothing could dispel.

I wanted to be happy
I pleaded, begged, and cried
But forces kept the light away
And now my soul has died.

I cannot face a future
Filled with emptiness and pain
So I am going where I hope
To find my joy again.

~Joni Greever for Preston 1976 ~ 2007