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I KNOW HOW YOU FEELYeh, you've heard him say it. He says it just about every time he gets up and gives a speech. Here's how it goes.
"See, I know how you feel! It's tough when you lose a child. But, you see, ... our troops are dying for a valiant cause, a good reason - a whole nation which has never tasted freedom, ... so, see, it is for a good cause. I..."
"But Mr. President, ..."
"Let me finish, please. I'm not through finishin'. You see, ... our soldiers are working hard for 25 million people to be free. It, oil, no ...," he moves his double-jointed jaws back and forth and then he looks the cameras straight in the eyes, ... lenses and he finishes. "It's hard. Our military is working hard for a country's freedom. See, we're all working hard around ... to make sure the soldiers have everything they needs, and we are sacrificing and our troops are heroes over there."
"Yes mam, the lady in the red sweater."
"I am just wondering how you can say that? 'I know how you feel?'" the lady asks. "You haven't lost either one of your daughters because, evidently your family didn't see that the war, ... let me finish, Mr. President. You had your turn."
"You haven't sent either of your daughters over to Iraq. If you will send one of your daughters over there, and then you would lose her, then and ... then only would you be able to say, 'I know how you feel!' Fact is, you don't know how I feel."
"See, ... the thing is ... that ... you are not alone. There are over 3,000 soldiers that have died from this cause, ah... war. And, ... and, they's all heroes. For every soldier that dies over in Iraq, she will come home a hero! ...next question."
Pause, as he scans the crowd. "This is the people's time to ask questions; I am going to ignore the damn journalists. I'm sick of them always pressing me. I am the president,...after all! And, ... I have the right to disregard them if I want to!"
"Yes, the pretty lady in the blue."
"Sir, why haven't you attended any of the funerals of, ... of at least one of our heroes. Just one? ... I don't understand how you could keep our children over there this long. Now, ... it seems our troops are in a crossfire between the Sun,... ."
"You are right. Our troops are having to deal with some hard action over there, ... but you have to remember, our troops are, ... it's a noble cause. You see, we are freeing 25 million people over there who have never tasted freedom. That is just and important cause. Fighting, ... fighting freedom."
"I thought about going to a funeral. But which one. I can't attend, ... I won't attend every funeral, 'cause I'm working hard and am busy every minute of the day, ... even when I am working out, I am thinking, and that's work."
"Yes, the man in the OU sweat shirt. Does that OU stand for Ohio University or Oklahoma University?"
"It stands for Oklahoma University; you can read the Oklahoma behind the OU. It's Oklahoma. You've heard of AD, haven't you? Adrian Peterson?"
"You're right. I have heard of him. He's a great player. I seen him play, ... against Texas. I tried to get into The University of Texas, but they said I didn't qualify, so I decided to go to Yale, ... just like my dad did. Did you know I was a cheer-leader? I was too small to play football. I, ...ah, I tried but they made me the water-boy. That's funny if you think about it. From a water-boy to the president. Can you believe that? That is ... laugh, ... funny, if we think about it! ... Ah, what is your question, sir."
"You keep saying things are getting better over in Iraq, but when I listen to CNN or MSNBC, they keep saying it's getting worse. Jack Cafferty is sick of this war and you, ... he thinks, ... no, he says it is a crime..., being over there. And then there is Keith Obermann, who is sick of this war and all the lies,... I'm just ... ."
"First, ... your problem is, ... you are watching the wrong station. You should be watching Fox. They got the best station, because they don't dwell on the baddest things they, ... we are doing over there. Our toops is doing a lot of great things, like building schools and the electricity, ... that ... those other other stations never report on. And, ... besides you should be listening to Russ Limbog. Did you see Dick Cheney talk about shooting his friend in the face? He chose FOX because they's the channel that's the 'Fair and Unbiased.' That's funny isn't it. Fair and Unbiased. They means the same thing. It should be unbalanced. And it's funny that Dick shot him in the face, ... that's funny. I thought about being a writer like that Webb guy, but my teachers told me, ... that, ... I don't write that well. I got a D in English in high school. I know delete when it comes to a computer. Have seen my Blackberry?"
"Mr. President, ...!"
"Okay. The lady in the jeans. Is your first name Cindy? Not, ... I am just kidding. I'm not listening to to Cindy. I'm tired of her camping ... outside my ranch. Did you know I am a rancher? I don't own no cows; the cows belong to someone else. You have a question," he takes a drink of water and winks at the Fox News camera. Disjoints his jaw a couple of times.
"Do you know how many of our soldiers have died over there this month, and how many of them are Iraqi women, children, kids, dogs,... died over there this month?"
"Ah, ... yes," the president takes a big breath and stares in at the CNN camera and thinks about Jack Cafferty. 'I hate Jack!" he thinks. "And, ... that Obermann guy. Maybe I can get Obermann fired."
"Yes, ... I know that there have been over 80 troops died over there and may, ah, ...," he rolls his eyes. "Maybe 300 Iraq people have died. Am I wrong? I'm not sure."
"There's been almost 100 of our soldiers, thus far, who have died over there and there has been way over 1,000 Iraq people die over there. A thousand a week, maybe!!! And You don't know? Murders and IEDs. How come you don't know that? This is the worst month of all in deaths in Iraq, and you don't know that? Don't you think you should know that?"
"Well, ... I don't dwell on bad staff. I sleep good every night. I am the president of the United States, and we have 300 million people that I am the boss, ..ah, the president of. I don't want to mess my mind up with thinking about our soldiers who die over there. And, ... I believe in God. Do you? If you believed in God, you wouldn't worry about it either, because God and only God, knows when and why people die? After all, if God didn't want me to be the president, I wouldn't be right here, and when I thunk.. ah we thunk, ...this war up, it was the right thing to do, or it wouldn't have happened? One more question. Okay, ... the lady back there in the back. Give her a mic."
"So, ... if Congress loses lots of Republicans, and the Democrats control both the House and the Senate, and they started to impeach you, ... would that be God's will."
"I'm not even worried about that. See, some friends of mine made the voting machines, so that, ...ah, I mean, ... yes, it would be God's will. A good question. I haven't even heard that there question before"
The president turns and leaves, while dozens of reporters didn't get to ask one question.
