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“Your family and friends are being held in a safe place; only to insure your compliance, of course. You will speak only the patriotic sayings we have ordered for you to say. It would be incomprehensible to you to say the correct words we have provided to you in with your travel papers. Your intellect is inferior to our great minds, so we are inconvenienced in having to force our ‘right’ words down your throat! YOU WILL COMPLY!!! You must comply.
“Didn’t we tell you your world was flat? That everyone is happy everywhere? It’s so, because we told you it was so. We even are sending your children to spy school so they can report back to us on you and your wife. Right now, we are interrogating her about you; she will tell us everything we want to know and just the way we want to know it, too!. We have special methods to squeeze all the information out of her. We are so smart, so powerful; it is futile to resist.
“If you cooperate, we will only kill all of you a little bit at a time, very slowly, so you can feel how much we are suffering inside. We are doing this for your own good. You wouldn’t want to continue to live in ignorance, now, would you? We only punish you because you do not acknowledge our wonderful truths, besides it’s fun to watch you twist and turn as we turn up the flames on you and all those you love. You Wimps!
“We are tough, but, if you do not cooperate you will make wonderful glorious leader, our dictator, the Busherater furiouser, and he will send in his private army to kill you. You think we are not serious? We don’t join the military, we run the military into the ground! Right now we even have torture our own soldiers so that they can see things our way. They are such weaklings. Soon we will control everything. If everything would just stop dying. We only applied moderate techniques to readjust their thinking, yet they keep dying. Why, I can’t understand it?
“If you all keep dying so easily, it won’t be any more fun running your world into the ground. Then when your world is destroyed the Earth will be all ours. Oh, darn there is nothing alive left, I guess we will just have to kill eachother until no one is left alive.”
Signed,
Your Bush Administration Commandant in HELL
