21st century reality got you feeling blue? Wondering if anything is left to believe in anymore? We have the perfect antidote for you!::::::::
Worried that the light of the world grows dimmer by the day? Worried that the rapture has come and passed you by? Worry no more!
Several formal and informal research and philosophical studies conducted by noteworthy scholars from every major religion and mystical tradition have proven beyond any reasonable doubt that no one – absolutely no one – can sustain their belief in a loving supreme being past 1:45PM in any time zone.
So stop worrying about the coming apocalypse or the Rapture…there is no God like the old God you thought you knew and loved! Studies have shown that no one can sustain any sort of belief in THAT supreme being for an entire day. One sleight in traffic, one cross word from a competitor at work, one more rejection from a beloved spouse or partner, one ill-timed phone call from the IRS or your accountant and – whammo – like a thief in the night, who and what you truly believe to be your higher power becomes clear and evident to everyone, including you.
Above all, don’t be ashamed…absolutely everyone, including atheists, experiences this difficulty on a daily basis. Yes, atheists all have higher powers, too, they just call them something different and have less traditional ways of showing their devotion and practicing their worship. Rest assured, however, that EVERYONE has the WRONG God!
Isn’t this terrific news? No more pouring over Hebrew texts and all that pesky calculating! No more hiding in the shadows and waiting for the proper moment to spring your collection of Bibles on unsuspecting neighbors! Take a deep, deep breath and – finally – relax. Your OWN, PERSONAL Jesus is just 15 minutes away in any direction from where you are standing or sitting right NOW!!
We understand that good news like this can take some time to process…we won’t burden you with how best to process all of the decades of pent-up disappointment and self-deprecation. Just know that our best thinking and intentions are with you and that, when the time is right for YOU, from seemingly out of nowhere familiar or expected, He will make Himself known to you.
Or She will.
Or It will. The form your new, improved higher power takes will be calculated to minimize your fear and prejudice and maximize your joy.
Remember: 15 minutes in any direction is not very far at all.
