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From My Diary:Woman Power And HumanismKamala Sarup
I could not take the correspondence with my friend in an easy way, so
the relationship that we had from the very first days of youth now has
not ended up to be exchanged with these days.
Really, Mayadevi my friend always put down such beautiful words in her
letter, and a long silence drops down in my circumference. A long
feeling falls upon me and being able to tolerate I happen to be friend
with the road. The ceaseless line of motors and the noises of a crowd
of frustrated people keeps teasing at me. I keep walking, and at the
walls, I try to search the meaning of her. To feel belief towards
myself might be my strength. I am trying to find destination for her.
That's the reason there is no similarity between her and a crowd in
cloud.
I know, Mayadevi has said that there are varieties of purposes life.
Of course, knowing my feeling she has showed the reality, though in
this long period of years to herself remained disputable in the
preserve category. And I feel she will escape from these in the same
way from where a definite journey of life gets to an end. Form then
the sentimental days may begin and as those past days, we shall have
to spend for long years separately, on one's own.
Sometimes I wish I would finish off at once all these opportunist
situation, selfish thought, and the absurdity of human life, but the
constrain is in fate and in feeling too. Days are being gone within
this room doing nothing. Everywhere there are frustrations, sadness
and gloom in this World.
My clean heart can't believe completely that Mayadevi may distance
from me, like this and stop writing. How long should I sustain a happy
empowerment living in the ruined castle of imagination? These days, I
have begun to be afraid with the shadows of people and with the
opportunistic thought of them. Everywhere there are deceitful crowds,
cheating and only vulture eyes, failure and tragedy! Oh, what kind of
painting is this of the great painter?
Those days were important when we used to spend long hours usually
talking about things like, struggle peace and non violence in life.
Mayadevi used to make clear within few words about revolution, change, and economic problems. We used to forget the words of love there and the debate about economic problem, stood strong before us. Then after we have been sad and despair, we used to write poems about humanism, love and life, until the evening. In many parallel ways of life, many poems of our own might have been written, torn, burnt and thrown away too.
Not becoming able to write anything about her, about our friendship,
and getting all the way turmoil in absurdity in these days, I have
been exaggerated even with poems, for these might renew the wound.
I see birds flying up to the far distance, they have a definite
destination. I had thought at that time while she had written,
"friends always goes for the things which are easy, near, sweet, and
beautiful. But one might never be satisfied only in the fulfillment.
She continuously wants the same thing in various new forms. "Why?
Perhaps there is no any definite borderline of easiness. So, there is
no definite definition of limitation to say how much is to be Ok for
whom? Of course, definitely our lives are in remote, confusing and
uncomfortable state, nevertheless, we are obliged to except it.
While I am writing, my heart became eager to listen to these of
mountain, hill and falls, and all the crying and happiness. And in that
sentimental moment, despite there are many dissimilarities between us,
I am inclined to search similarities, where a story of our friendship
could be written on the course of living and a bit more happiness
could be found in the name of living.
Journalist and Story Writer Kamala Sarup associates and writes for
http://www.mediaforfreedom.com. She is a regular contributor to United Press
International - Asia News. She is specializes in in-depth reporting
and writing on peace, anti-war, women, terrorism, democracy, and
development. Some of her publications are: Women's Empowerment in
South Asia, Nepal (booklets); Prevention of Trafficking in Women
Through Media, (book); Efforts to Prevent Trafficking in for Media
Activism (media research).
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