Don't Shoot -- It's Me, Smokey!

Congress has officially lost its collective mind. Legislation allowing people to carry loaded guns into national parks has been passed by both the House and the Senate.  Sarah Palin must be celebrating. Now she can fire up the helicopter, whip out her rifle and fire away at the roaming wildlife with complete abandon. Oh wait, she's already doing that.

Can some NRA crazy please explain why they need to carry a gun into a park?  Are they really that afraid they might be attacked by bears or mountain lions and might need to whip out their Glock 9's to fend off, say, a wild boar? Or worse, do they seriously consider the possibility that scary terrorists are hiding behind the public restrooms?  As in, "Watch out, Herb, I think I spied an al Qaeda sleeper cell over there by those picnic tables. . . ."

I have a solution for you, Sparky, if you're that terrified of wildlife. Maybe you should load up the station wagon (instead of your ammo belt) and spend your vacation at Disney World instead of Yellowstone, y'think?  They won't let you take your Big Gun in there, though.  But you won't need it.  Unless you're worried that some swarthy terrorist concealed in the shadows of the "It's a Small World" ride will spring out from behind one of those little animatronic Dutch girls and slit your throat. Or unless you just want to fire a few rounds into the air to clear the line for the tea-cup ride.  Or in case you accidentally showed up on "gay day" and wanted to blow off your frustration. So to speak.

What has made us so terrified as a nation that we feel the need to arm up and get all Charlton Heston in our national parks?  Perhaps this is the aftermath of the Bush Crime Family domestic terror tactics.  After all, when an actual "president" of the United States appears on TV and rambles on about "evildoers" and "evil ones" and "mastermind of evil," terms previously relegated to the pages of Marvel comics, what should we expect?

They wanted us to be spooked, and we are.  With Homeland "Security" Director Tom "Rainbow" Ridge's color-coded lifesaver roll of daily terror alert updates (funny how those have disappeared), and Cheney and Condi's constant invocations of mushroom clouds over major US cities, and Raisin Brain's more simplistic admonitions about "Keepin' an eye out for the evil ones . . . lobstermen on the Maine coast pullin' their pots, for example -- keep a look-out!"  It's a wonder we're not all sucking down Prozac and Valium like Tic-Tacs.

It takes a while to shake off all that terrorizing we endured under the Bush Cabal.  It's like PTSD; we need time to heal and recover.  So, I'm optimistic that once our collective national psyche returns to normal, most of us will holster the revolvers and return to our previously scheduled normal lives.  One can hope.

Until then, Boo-Boo and Yogi better not swipe any picnic baskets if they know what's good for them!