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With Pepsi Co’s recent disclosure that their Aquafina Brand water source is merely tap water slightly akin to Dumbo’s magic feather –I’m keeping my eye out for the inevitable (probably already mounting) class-action lawsuit being filed against them. This, of course, may open the floodgates for even further scrutiny over just what’s in the damn stuff and could they, hypothetically, be responsible for a plethora of damages stemming from introducing the ‘fine water’ of , say, a municipality with an overwhelming birth rate to an otherwise semi-secluded residency of Catholic nuns in a quiet and model convent somewhere near St. Augustine Florida who believe in only one ‘virgin’ birth being needed for several millennia?
Or what if, perhaps, Pepsi Co. had shipped the same tap source product that Michael Vick was cycling through his body to, maybe, the Pennsylvania Mennonite Community (though I believe they probably use well water)? Would we have blood-thirsty Amish salivating at the thought of The Great Saturday Night Bovine Fight Extravaganza?
Would the water from Jena, LA –introduced to the populace of NYC, make your average New Yorker take pause for a few seconds along the busy sidewalks to ask his neighbor, ‘Ya’ll still coming to supper on Sunday?’…
If this were a plausible theory, I’d advise against having the Riesling with dinner as, after a glass or two of it, one might be prone to forget about the whole entrée and run madly through the streets in search of the nearest Kosher Deli with a nice plate-glass window to put several bricks through while screaming, ‘Juden, rous!!!’
Though the comic element of this is slightly disturbingly exaggerated here, it is very much in line with the ole Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd laugh ‘em up that has the entire cargo of a truck full of hats blowing in the wind and settling time and again on our beloved toons’ heads as they alternate through a cast of personalities commonly attributed to the specific headwear… ahem… stereotypes, if you will.
The magical transformations of character attributed to the switching of toon adornment is about as tangible in the real world as equating virility with ‘something’ being in the water…
So the next time you hear someone damn an ethnicity, a religious fervor, or even so much as a geographical area’s residents with blanket statements as to their ignorance, education, intolerance, or place on the evolutionary scale it doesn’t matter whose hat they’re wearing or what water they are drinking…
IT’S SOME DARKER PART OF THEM.
