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Confessions of a Liar ( satire)

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One of the most annoying features of my fellow- Americans is their bragging about honesty. Everyone is so honest (until proven otherwise) that you want to puke (sorry). Recently one such honest person was very upset about some envirnmentalists 'lying' about Amazon tribe. I have news for you...

::::::::

I am a liar. I am also a cheat, an atheist, a bigot and a chauvinist. I was that way since birth. When I was four I lied about being sick so that I could stay at home. I heated the mercury thermometer on the water heater. When I was seven I was the nastiest student and I lied about my homework. Also I let other students to copy my homework. I plagiarized the citations and also invented the quotes by Marx and Lenin when I wrote reports on them. I stole food from the school cafeteria for the stray dog. In the tender age of 12 I sabotaged the ceremony of becoming a young pioneer and soiled my tie. When I was in a young pioneer camp we cut down the electric wires and when I was interrogated I refused to tell on my friends. We also drank and smoked. I helped my friends (boys and girls) to socialize. I socialized too. Did many nasty things with girls. When one girl was accused by the school authorities of too much thinking about sex I revealed to the school students what our teachers talked about between themselves in their teachers room. I prompted to other students on the exams and also wrote the exam papers for the girls I liked. I wandered on the streets and tried to burn down my High School. I was once nearly excluded from the High School for 'coercing another student to drinking'. When in college I drank excessively, cheated on the quizzes and disrupted schedules. I let go a drunken bum from the police detain because I felt like that. I spent a lot of other people's money. During the graduate study I befriended a bunch of illegals and never reported them. I NEVER REPORTED ANYONE! When as a refugee in Italy I foraged in the abandoned houses and found there a refrigerator and a TV. I picked and ate abandoned oranges on the Termini market in Rome. I watched porno and lecherous shows. I started drinking wine when I was 14. I would lie in a moment if I consider that worth it. I have an irresistable urge to meet Jack the Ripper. I am sure he was a Russian like me.

Ok, fine. There is not much to add. Except that I am in my 50s, PhD, P.E, and a writer. I was awarded special awards in my High School for excellence on all the subjects, graduated Magna Cum Laude in Thermal Engineering, became a PhD in Physical Chemistry, worked in Chemical Industry, became a PE in this country, had been working here as an engineer since 1989, have multiple engineering praises, graduated from the course in a writing school, write stories in English. I brought all my family to the US; they all are alive, even the 86years- old grandmother, all well. My son is an adult and married. He wanted to become a wiccan and I bought him a broom. We celebrated the 25th anniversary with my wife who earns more money than me, God bless her. I have read thousands of books and saved the whole bunch of those from burning. I helped numerous people to get to a safe place when I was a refugee. I loved and I hated and I made mistakes and I had passion. Still have.

When my time comes I hope I would be able to say about myself what what curved on the ancient Egyptian tomb:

I did not steal

I did not kill

I did not stop the running water.

 

With that adjourn. I am back to the filthy French book full of sexual innuendo. BTW I HATE BUSH! HE US UGLY AS HELL.

 

A writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and (more...)
 

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Funniest line by Sandy Sand on Wednesday, Jun 25, 2008 at 9:58:46 PM
Prove it ! by John Wood Sr on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 7:02:29 AM
Isn't Bush ugly? by Mark Sashine on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 7:14:49 AM
I'll concede half your point by John Wood Sr on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 7:42:15 AM
Eye of beholder by Sandy Sand on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 7:37:51 AM
That's nice to know by John Wood Sr on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 7:46:39 AM
In that case... by Sandy Sand on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 9:36:27 AM
Thank you, Mark... by Sandy Sand on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 9:40:41 AM
You are welcome by Mark Sashine on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 10:10:42 AM
Of course... by Sandy Sand on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 10:37:31 PM
I am astonished. by John Sanchez Jr. on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 12:51:14 PM
He is in Peace Corps by Mark Sashine on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 1:25:30 PM
Baba Mat... by waldopaper on Thursday, Jun 26, 2008 at 6:04:49 PM
You're amazing by Jan Baumgartner on Saturday, Jun 28, 2008 at 8:14:57 AM