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Welcome to NannyMerica, where your thoughts, aspirations and palpitations are rationed, recorded and blessed by government nannies who have your best interests at heart. Don’t think too much about those mean old elections, and forget about the little pirate who hijacks your voting machines. Nah, those issues are much too harmful for your mental health.
And, we’re going to ensure that your mental health remains stable by blocking all of those harmful, mentally exhausting political emails from your computer. Don’t worry your little head about such world shaking events—let your Nanny take care of the heavy mental lifting for you.
Just to make sure that you don't overload your tattered brain with too much of that Internet political drivel, we're going to jack up the price of broadband. No more unlimited surfing. Too many of you are causing yourselves far too much mental confusion, wasting your time on political discourse, when you could be watching Alligator Wrasslin' or Cockroach Racing. Shame on you for huyrting your poor brain with all of that thinking.
It’s a proven fact that if you think too much, you’ll damage your brain, and that is dangerous for your over all health. Senator Moonbeam's Intergalactic Multi-risk Insurance coverage can only provide so much coverage. And, since it is government sponsored, your friendly job-for-life risk manager has decided to step in before something really bad happens to your brain.
His partner in the field, your regional thought patroller is circulating over your neighborhood even as we speak. His job is to make sure that you don’t tire yourself out with too much thinking.
We have made his job easier by installing remote sensors which detect increased brain activity and elevated adrenaline levels throughout the major cities of your country. No more nasty bad thoughts for you. Rest assured that we will do every thing in our power to ensure you have a restful, thoughtless life.
Oh, what wonderful times we live in that our leaders in and out of government are so concerned with our mental welfare. Indeed, we are truly blessed to be living in such a kind and thoughtful time.
Bad words, hurtful thoughts, nasty, salacious writings, our guardian angels are making sure that the stress and hypertension which our ancestors enjoyed will never darken our carefully guarded bodies. We really should be ever so thankful that there are people out there monitoring our phone calls, censoring our internet communications and keeping all of those bad thoughts and evil people away from us.
Now, before ya’ll think I have completely gone off the deep end and joined the foil hat brigade, this tongue-in-cheek rant is really not as off the wall as it appears to be. Here is how it all started.
I was trolling the internet and came across an interesting article on corpwatch.org. I sent it out to some friends and one bounced back. OK, I thought, there goes my speedy fingers, can’t type typing again.
Now, I asked myself, what in the world is going on? I scrolled down the returned message and lo and behold, what did I read? Well, it turns out that the email was bounced because the receiving end mail server said it contained a “banned word.”
Say what? The thing was a simple email from an activist organization about corporate malfeasance.
OK, I get it now. Here we go.
The government can now claim it has cleaned up crooked companies by limiting our access to information on corporate crooks. Hmmm… Am I on to something here, or what?
Just how much internet provider censorship is out there, anyway? How many of us are missing critical email communications because our nanny internet provider or server decided that they were “inappropriate”?
How many of our search engines do not catalogue certain types of information? How many of the world’s “prime servers”, the internet’s gateways, have been compromised by censorship and control?
Man, my brain is beginning to hurt just thinking about all of the possibilities.
So ya think you want to get down with the left wing, right wing, or tin foil heads. Lotsa luck, sucker.
This network is off the air. Shoot fire, next thang ya know, they’ll be messin’ with our elections.
