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Fossil fuels have been the main source of power for businesses over the past century. Oil and coal heat our homes, power our cars, and transport our goods. Because of our dependence on black gold, companies like Exxon are able to make record profits as many people are losing their homes. These companies, with help from many of the governments of the world, are able to ensure the continued use and necessity of their products despite the availability of cleaner, more efficient alternatives.
The solution to this problem has been difficult for many to realize. Some think that wind power and hydroelectric are the way of the future as they are constant and clean sources of energy, but these require substantial investment. Others argue that the way forward needs to be through biofuels that can be grown right here in America, even though this is simply moronic, inefficient, and would dramatically increase the cost of our foodstuffs. Some powerful interests think we should continue to obliterate mountaintops across the country to get easier access to the coal beneath, damning the wildlife affected along the way. None seem very easy, inexpensive, or readily available to the average consumer.
Fortunately, my vision for the future cuts out the middlemen, connecting the consumer directly to the fuel source. The answer has been right underneath our noses the whole time. It has also been under our shirts, in our jeans, and in our stock footage.
The newest fuel is also the oldest: FAT!
Imagine the scene:
Little Timmy’s parents are broke. They fight every night and Timmy has never even heard half of the expletives being hurled back and forth between Mom and Dad. He wants to help out, but doesn’t know how. He had always been something of a chair tomato and has no practical skills. Then one day an idea flashes through Timmy’s head and he knows what to do.
He excitedly rushes down to the local hospital. Today, it is offering free pump installations. With just a few cuts and the insertion of a few internal pieces, Timmy has become the proud new owner of his own fueling station. After the swelling goes down and the drugs wear off, Timmy will be ready for business. He has a lot of work to do in the meantime.
Dressed in his finest suit, Timmy proudly stands on the busiest street corner. The sign around his neck advertises his product at 8.90#/L. But he begins to worry as he sees older men hocking their wares at much lower prices. He is taking out his marker to make his price more competitive when, all of a sudden, a black Escalade pulls up and rolls down its window.
A man leans over and asks, “How are you doing today, sonny?”
Timmy quickly recognizes the man. It is the mayor! Timmy timidly responds, “Just fine, sir. What can I do you for?”
The mayor smiles. “Oh, just a few liters. I have a feeling it will take me pretty far.” Timmy realizes the mayor is giving him a compliment and blushes.
The mayor pops his tank as Timmy attaches his fuel hose. He gets to work extracting the fuel from his well. After a few minutes, he gets a little woozy and realizes his reserves are running a bit low. He has produced over 4Ls! Timmy pulls his hose out and runs back over to the window. The mayor tells his computer to send Timmy’s social security chip 30# credits. He tells Timmy to keep the change.
Timmy smiles as the shiny black SUV pulls away. In a fit of excitement, he shouts to the mayor, “Remember, there’s more where that came from, Mr. M!” The mayor gives Timmy the thumbs-up out his window as he drives off into the setting sun.
Timmy scampers into the local convenient store and picks out the biggest loaf of bread, a can of milk product, and a Snickers. He brings the food up to the man behind the glass and then scans his hand over the payment sensor. Unfortunately, the recent rise in dairy prices means that Timmy has to put back the Snickers.
When he finally gets home, Timmy’s parents are already in bed with the little ones. They have all taken their Zs. He puts down his groceries; it should certainly make for an exciting breakfast for his family tomorrow morning! He tears off a bit of bread and lies down. As he nibbles on the wonderful nourishment, he thinks about how it will go right toward producing more fuel. He takes the Z waiting for him by his sleeping corner and quickly slips off into dreamland. There, he encounters all of the beautiful women he will meet with his new, skinny body.
Fat - Saving Families.
A little sappy? I know. I was raised on commercials.
